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Ok so how about a friend from work is cousins with those LoudPack Gang people...omg lmfao!!
I don't have a license...22 no license...old news anywho not having a license means that I'm a frequent passenger. You would think my experience being a passenger would motivate me to get a license and a car. I think differently from most...I won't even begin to break down that thought process because somewhere in the middle of that even I get confused. But back to being a passenger...When you decide to be a passenger, there are so many things to think about...do I have to pee? Am I even a little bit sleepy? Do I have something to do later at a certain time? If my ride doesn't feel like taking me home, am I prepared to sleep elsewhere? Is there a chance alcohol will be involved? Am I going to potentially be in an uncomfortable situation? Do I have everything I need? Will I wind up stranded? If any of these answers are in the negative, am I going to ruin plans for my ride? Ugh so much to think about. Which is why sometimes my brain hits overload and I forget shit. I had to use the block feature on my phone for the first time ever...it's strange. But dude was a creep. "Bad bitches"...le sigh. Guys always want what they're not prepared to have. Bad bitch, big booty bitch, weave down to her ass bitch, light skinned bitch, no kids, FOREIGN bitch (lmfao) "thick" bitch...first off let's talk about how yall always want some type of bitch and then be mad when she's actually a bitch...second, yall talking about yall want someone that's real and everything on her is fake! tf? third, yall want this " well put-together" girl but you're ugly, sloppily built, nappy hair, got 9 kids and you're American...I'm not here for this basic bitch yall all looking for. All of yall are looking for the same girl and got the nerve to act like yall all looking for something different. GTFOH!!!! So I decided I hate secrets, especially when they involve people I'm involved with and/or care about being hurt. Like it just pisses me off that I'm 22 and secrets are still a thing...like if you can't speak up about your shit by now then I wants no parts. I like to clear things up instead of sitting around thinking about it. So and so did this behind your back...ok well let me go ask about it... <-- that's how I'd like to live. How about reality has been punching me in the face this week!!! I'm not mad...it's just crazy how quickly things can turn around all from how you look at something. Perspective and mindset are everything! When you fuck stuff up and ignore it, it slowly but surely fucks up other stuff. The consequences of ignoring things can be way worse than what would have happened had you just tried to fix it in the beginning. I've finally reached a point where I don't feel so hopeless and I'm getting slapped in the face in the process. I got myself in a bad situation and just acted like it never happened and now that I've realized what I need to do, I'm also realizing the consequences of waiting. Friends! The family you create for yourself...sometimes, they do some real stupid stuff and you just have to sit back and let them. You can tell your friend the sky is blue a million times but if they see purple, they're not going to listen to you. I don't think they do it on purpose, it's about reality hitting. I was the stupid friend in the above situation and reality hit me and now the sky is blue. I hate manipulative people...especially the ones in a position of power. But I'm no fool, I can see right through it. I'm just not dumb enough to let you know it. I need something from this too, so I'm not going fuck myself up to screw you over as you've proven you would do to me or anybody else. (I just really needed to get that off my chest) It pays to be nice to people. I left my phone in my supervisors car today and had no idea how I was going to get it back because I had no phone or money to call her. (are pay phones even still a thing??) this bus pulled up with my old regular bus driver! She loves me! (it's mutual, she's the best) She said "where are you going" (because she knows I wouldn't be on the bus going where she was going at that time of day) and I said "No where but I have a very strange favor to ask, can I use your phone?" she said "sure" and handed it over. I had to use photographic memory to remember my work friend's phone number because she was also in the car with my supervisor! She found it under the seat and brought it back to me! If I had been less friendly to that bus driver, I would've had to get creative and find another way to find my phone lol or been without it for a night :((((( If you know me, then you know I could talk forever!!! So I'm going to stop here and ramble on at a later date :)
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I ride the RTA to work everyday. I see some very interesting things...I used to share them on snapchat or with my friends, but the experiences were building too quickly to share!! I compiled a list of those "interesting" things. Some of them may be familiar to some of you...
1. The overly-friendly 6am bus. Everyone gets on the bus and says hello to each other, all the bus lights are on and my eyes are still half closed. They talk the entire time and they're annoyingly cheerful. Like am I the only person who realizes it's 6am...? 2. The LoudPack Gang....(sigh)... this one raised so many questions. 2 guys dressed in MATCHING red jumpsuits. That was already a mental wtf moment. They proceeded to walk past me and there was a picture on their back. It said #LoudPackGang and it had a picture of some dead guy and said R.I.H... Now as you can imagine, I had soooo many questions.
*No disrespect to any members of the LoudPack Gang or its affiliates 3. This big guy (black, kinda nerdy looking without the glasses) was at the hub and he kept staring at me and then into his phone so I just kept on going. He gets on my bus and sits in the front, still staring intently into his phone. He's like giddy and then I realize he's playing some fighting game. He's like "yeaaah" every like 4 minutes. Then he jumped up and was like "yeaaaah double kiiiiilllll". He knocked all his stuff down and everything. I about died right there in my seat. Like nigga it will never be that serious on the greater dayton RTA. 4. So how about this bus driver....She's an older lady always has on like a thousand coats plus a hat. She used to be so timely too. Well one day it was like super cold outside and she didn't have the heat on. I'm like ok maybe I'm tripping...maybe I'm just cold because I'm sick. Then she stops the bus in this random ass place, gets off, leaves the door open and smokes a cigarette. I'm like no she didn't. This is not happening but it was because I could smell the cigarette and yall know I fucking hate cigarettes. I'm like this bitch done lost her mind. And she was a nice old lady...at first so I was trying not to call her a bitch in my head...but I was in disbelief. She proceeded to do this for the next 3 days -_- 5. OMG this dude on the bus, nerdy looking super tall white guy, must always be like in the zone when he's listening to his music. He started tap dancing in his seat. I heard this noise and it sounds like something is hitting the bus...like someones throwing rocks at the bus. I turn my music down and then I realize where the noise is coming from. The guy diagonally in front of me is going ham with his feet on the floor. I'm like ok dude...cool but stop. It's 6am, they're all talking...the last thing this bus needs is more noise at this hour. The next day (Friday) he's back again. Only I didn't notice because I was looking out the window, listening to music. All of a sudden I hear this noise over my music. I'm like wtf is that? I turn my music down and this non nigga is singing!! Like out loud i'm in the shower and no one can hear me singing. It instantly channeled my inner Simon Cowell... 6. My favorite color is purple. I can appreciate purple things, except this bitch took it overboard. Like I had to do a double take. Purple hair, purple stroller for her baby, purple shirt, purple boots, purple eye shadow, purple phone case, and purple hat on her older daughter. I was just thinking like man I like purple but this is doing the absolute most...like why do you have purple hair...it matches so perfectly with the red lips on your neck... Anything in excess is...ugly 7. How about I saw the fakest friends ever!!! It's the 16th of January and they're talking about "Happy New Year Friend" -_- #NO 8. #Thatawkwardmomentwhenyourbusdrivertakesoffherglasses #tf #bitchcanyousee? That was just so strange to me like...do you really need your glasses on or naw?? Because you had them on most of the way...I wear glasses and it's not a part time commitment...It's a full time job...I suppose everyone's vision is different though....I suppose... All of this happened this week...the 6am bus has been for about a month though I'm in the middle of a major turning point in my life. I've recently discovered how important energy is to what I'm trying to do. Energy is never created nor destroyed, it kind of just bounces from one thing to another. I have to make sure that the energy I'm giving off is energy other people don't mind picking up. Things have been tough and will continue to be tough for me and the energy that I'm giving off isn't necessarily the best. I have a lot to lose. I can't sulk and hate life with the expectation that things will fall into place and that people won't want to leave. Advice from my best friend: Watch out for the people around you. You are who you hang around. The people around you give off energy and if it's not energy that's best for your life, leave those people alone. I do hang around a lot of people with a "stuck" mentality and a dark energy. What I wasn't realizing was that that's the same thing I'm giving off. Think about the things you don't like or energy that you don't appreciate and then look in the mirror. It's hard to see when you've become the things you don't like. Your friends don't want to deal with that, especially when you show no signs of trying to change. You don't want to become that person someone used to be friends with just because you give off a perpetual dark energy. You could play a drinking game with the word "energy". Take a shot every time you read it in this post :P Drink up!!!! and remember what Drake said: "...And you realize [s]he just not in a position to reciprocate your energy" On this day last year, I received a call from my uncle. He was crying and he kept pausing as he was trying to tell me about a voicemail from the coroner's office. Ever since my "grandpa" died, my nana had been receiving calls about his death. Now they hadn't been married for YEARS but for whatever reason, they were still calling my nana. The significance of this is that my dad and his dad had the same name. When the coroner called on this particular Sunday, my nana and uncle thought it was another mix up. I don't remember how exactly it clicked that this was no mix up, but once it did, reality set in.
My uncle was trying his hardest to get me to understand what he was trying to say, but I was not comprehending. It didn't make sense. I wasn't connecting the dots. It was just too unbelievable. I just saw him on New Year's Eve and come the 5th of January he is dead? NOOOO WAAAAY. This was my first experience with death. And it was my father. MY FATHER!!!! We had a strained relationship that I was finally ready to work to repair. I came into this world a daddy's girl and I always wanted to get that back but feelings, fear, and stubbornness stood in the way. I had finally started making moves to get my father back. I took his phone call, I visited him, and I would engage in conversations when I ran into him at Wal-Mart. This was my version of trying. Obviously I wasn't trying hard enough. Anywho, after receiving the news, I cried my eyes out. Nothing in my life was normal at this point. My best friends were out of town and not exactly available to me the way I wished they could be., I was hanging around people I don't normally hang around with. My thought was just, I'm not supposed to be going through this experience with you guys. I wanted my best friends. And I was living in a world where it wasn't possible to run into my dad at Wal-Mart. It is still difficult to wrap my head around that. I continued to cry my eyes out for months afterwards. I was wracked with guilt, shock, and complete and utter disbelief. The one thing that I wish I could've said to my father before he died was that I love him. That's the part I feel most guilty about. He died thinking that his first child did not love him. The sad thing is, I didn't learn how much I loved my dad and how much I wanted to repair our relationship until he died. I wanted him at my graduation, I wanted his call on my birthday, but sadly, only because he died. Who knows how long I would've continued to be stubborn had he not died? I get so mad at myself for all the wasted years that I could've had my flawed father in my life but I decided to let those flaws but space between us. My dad was not innocent by any means but if I would've known he was going to die, I would've taken advantage of the time. I thought I was punishing him, but I was definitely punishing myself. DO NOT LET STUPIDITY DISTANCE YOU FROM WHAT YOU WANT. There was a song that helped me find peace. I wasn't looking for such a thing but I let my Hunger Games DVD play through the credits and I heard Taylor Swift sing these words... "Just close your eyes, the sun is going down. You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now. Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound" My first ever blog post is here!!! I am so excited to embark on this journey. It comes to you live on the first day of the new year. 2014 has been interesting to say the least. My friend Jalisa and I did a survey to close out 2013 in preparation for 2014 and we are doing it again to close out 2014. It's a nice way to remember some of the best and worst parts of your year. P.S. It only LOOKS long :) My survey responses are as follows: 1. What did you do in 2014 that you’d never done before?
"If there's one thing that I learned while in those county lines, it's that everything takes time you have gotta lose your pride, you have gotta lose your mind, just to find your peace of mind, you have gotta trust the signs, everything will turn out fine so why aren't you smiling?" |
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January 2020
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