I was up late last night because I couldn't sleep. I began thinking about God. He's been wonderful to me and I don't thank Him enough. 

I originally planned on sharing my prayer with you all but I decided that I didn't want you to read it. 
We're all human, we make mistakes, and we forget to do things that we know in our hearts to do. So instead of reading my rant...I'd like for you to thank God for something He's done for you today. 

Bye :)

I'm gonna tell you guys a story. 
Boy meets girl...girl meets boy. They fuck. Then don't see each other for 11+ months...Still counting those months. Despite the lack of each other's physical encounters, boy and girl still talk to each other almost every day. Girl and boy have both admitted to having feelings. That doesn't mean anything, though. Because boy and girl agreed that nothing more than friendship could happen. Boy agreed because he underestimated what the situation could do to him. He was in over his head and didn't realize it until after he was already in too deep. He was attached. Real attached and that wasn't changing her mind at all. But as he became more lost in her, he also came to understand her. Which complicated things. He was completely fascinated by her and her ideas. The perspective, the understanding, and the care that she provided made him feel safe and comfortable. He opened himself up and accepted her being closed off. She was as open as a door that was dead bolted shut. He bared his soul, daily. But there wasn't anything he could do because he loved her and he had to accept whatever she was giving him. Even if he deserved better, he wouldn't take it because he'd already put in so much effort, care, and time into his current situation. 
But then he thinks about that last word...situation. Does he really want to be in something labeled as a situation? Isn't he better than that? Doesn't he deserve more than that? But the care...and the effort...and the time...they cloud his judgement. He can't think clearly with her on his brain. But every ignored message, every phone call not made, every sweetheart emoji not returned eats at him. Eats at his ego, eats at his pride, eats at his dignity, and eats at his heart. He's never felt these things and he doesn't know what to do about it. 
But she's his friend. And she's a great friend. She's one of his favorite people! As I said before, he loves her....he doesn't want to give her up. She's helped him through a lot. But his heart aches daily with desires that he's not allowed to fulfill. 

Ultimately, he doesn't want to lose her and he'd do anything to keep her. She's reluctant to open up.. She's barely told him anything so he really doesn't know what to do. But he can't keep a girl that doesn't want to be kept. No matter how much he wants to keep her.