Heyyy! So yall...my average weekly views went up by over 100 views the last few posts!!! WOOHOO! We're still doing baby numbers, but I'm happy!

Work has been crazy! One of my coworkers got his ass handed to him by our manager in front of us...talk about awkward...

I have to tell you guys this sushi story LOL

Sushi almost killed me. I was at work, got hungry and decided I wanted some sushi. When it arrived, I was so excited!! I started eating it with my little side of wasabi. Anybody who eats wasabi knows that it doesn't take much to get the job done. And if you don't eat wasabi, all you need is a tiny little bit to get the taste you're looking for. So I was happily eating my sushi and then I heard the ding in my ear which means a customer pulled up. I prepared my next bite of sushi while taking their order. I started preparing their order and I cashed them out. The customer went on their merry way and I went back to my sushi. I was about to prepare my next bite, when I heard the ding in my ear again. I was like screw it, I'm ready to eat this. So I quickly added my tiny bit of wasabi and stuffed the piece of sushi in my mouth. Remember how I said I had prepared my next bite of sushi? That means it already had wasabi on it. I was in such a rush that I didn't pay attention to that and added more wasabi. I realized my mistake when my face caught on invisible fire. I mean it went up my nasal passages, into my eyes, up in my head...invisible flames yall. To me it felt like it lasted forever, but it only lasted from the ding in my ear, to the customer driving to the window after my coworker took their order. It was short-lived, but the memory will be forever ingrained my mind. I will never look at wasabi the same way again. 

Let's get to the dark stuff...

This week's topic is about a problem I've been having. Ever since my dad died, making death a reality for me, I can't help but think about it. It usually only crosses my mind at night or when people don't text/call me back. What can I say, I worry a lot! Before bed, I used to be able to drown out the thoughts with tv. I would turn my sleep timer on and let the show ease into my mind replacing the negative thoughts. About a month into this job, the thoughts became more difficult to drown out. I would be up until 3 and 4 in the morning before my body would succumb to my exhaustion. During this time, I felt incredibly alone. It's like I didn't really want to talk about it, but I wanted someone else to be there. For the time being, it has gone back to being able to be drowned out by tv, but I know it won't last. I keep some NyQuil on my nightstand. Sometimes that's just easier! I've considered seeing a therapist about this, but I'm kind of afraid to. I don't even really know why. The worst that could happen is that things stay the same. I've managed this long...

Has anyone else had this experience? If so, what did you do about it?

Before I jump into this week's topic, I want to address something. MISERY LOVES COMPANY!!! They say that and I knew that, but it played out in front of my eyes. I was amazed and disappointed in myself. I complained a lot about my 2nd job. Don't get me wrong, it still sucks, but I was surrounded by people who were hating their life, hence hating their work. I would go to work and hear all these awful stories and be around such nasty attitudes. One of those people quit and a new girl started. She had a totally different, more positive attitude. Working with her was like working at a totally different job! I still hate it lol, but I didn't feel that dread anymore. 

Anyway....
Lately, I've been reflecting on the parts of me that need a little work. One of them is how quick I am to react when I feel angry. It's something I recently noticed. When I feel other emotions, I have ways of dealing with them because I've always had to deal with them. Experience has taught me what I need when I feel those emotions. Anger, is relatively new in the sense that I was a person who got more hurt than angry about things. I was very non confrontational and I found ways to make myself okay with whatever "angered" me. I am not that person anymore, and I'm starting to realize I need to find ways to control myself when I get angry. I don't think enough when I feel that. 

I was trying to pinpoint what makes me angry, which I addressed a little last week. My anger is driven by the things I feel passionate about and also by seeing people who are the way I used to be, doing things I used to do. Some of my anger in situations that I'm not directly involved in comes from the part of me that wants to protect those who may not be as comfortable calling things out. I have passion outside of school!! I'm excited about that LOL. My passion for certain things has outgrown my fear of the consequences. I've been known to yell at authority figures. It's not right and I know that. I've also been known to speak on the behalf of others in situations where they're standing quiet. I know that's wrong, too. NOT THINKING! It's not my business. I just know what it's like to feel voiceless and people aren't that stupid. You know when you're doing some fucked up shit and you probably know that you're taking advantage of someone's inability to speak up or handle conflict. Not in all cases, but definitely in some.

Now that I've had time to dive into this, my current solution is to just stop and think. I don't need to react right away. I also need to mind my own business. You teach people how to treat you and everybody's gotta learn that for themselves. 

This week's blog question (PS Most of these answers came from men) (That has never happened before lol)
Which emotion is the hardest for you to control?

Answer 1: Patience and irritability
Me: I suppose those go hand in hand, if one is high the other is low and vice versa

Answer 2: Love
Me: WOW! We're going to have to talk about that

Answer 3: Rationalizing
Me: I see. So deciding if the emotions you feel are appropriate?

Answer 4: Sympathy
Me: Interesting, don't be letting people get away with shit because you feel bad!

Answer 5: Anger and fear
Me: Twinsies! + Fear. I'm curious to know what you do about the anger.

Anybody seen Inside Out? The movie mostly takes place in a girl's brain. You see how the emotions work together to make her who she is. Here are a few clips of "Anger" LOL Enjoy :)

Recently, I went to visit my friend in Vegas. When I told people that, they were like "Oh did you gamble? Oh did you go here and do this?" No I didn't. And then I got that, "Oh, ok. Well I'm sure you had a good time anyway" Yes tf I did. Because I don't vacation your way. I didn't go to Vegas to do "Vegas" I don't care about no casino...I also don't care for bars and clubs outside of happy hour or trivia. Those of you who know me, know that. That is not a secret LOL. 

People look for different things on vacation. I don't need a lot. If I'm taking a break from my regular life...I want to sleep good, eat good, and drink good, all in good company. That's it. If there's enough time, we can throw in some touristy shit, but it's not a requirement. I'm not trying to be exhausted coming back from vacation. Also, If I'm with a guy, I want to have sex...I am who I am. 

As I mentioned before, I recently went to Vegas. I told Miracle I wanted to eat good, sleep good, and drink good. She delivered!

So I had to navigate the airport all by myself and I was nervous af but I did it!!! I was going to avoid drinking on the plane, but it turns out that I need liquor on a plane lol I was so scared, but proud of myself! When I got off the plane, I went to get my hair done...Extra hair is heavy af. But I was cute! We went to Fremont and walked around and saw some weird shit. Then we went to a sports bar. I had a margarita and some really good tacos! We also had real bad service *eyeroll* 

The next day, we went to a food festival! I had Mexican street corn for the first time and it was AMAZING! I need some more of that in my life! We had tons of other shit, but that's what stood out. Also, pretty sure I sweated off a pound in like an hour because it was hot af. We had a nice talk in her pool til some kids came and crashed the party. We went to this restaurant, and I had this really amazing seafood gumbo. It even had crawfish in it!!! Later that night, we randomly ended up at this hole in the wall arcade and as we were about to leave, these super huge golf and bowling games were available outside and I just had to play. I was also kinda drunk lol Just a little. I had taken a few shots of jack in the car and I had ordered a beer at the arcade! Miracle and I fell asleep watching Love and Basketball. 

The next day, we woke up and went to brunch! I had bottomless mimosas...I think I had 4 and a really fancy poptart. I had a meal, but I don't remember it *face palm*. We went back to her place and got pool ready!! She had gotten us on a guest list for some hotel pool party. It was way more lit than I anticipated and I had a GREAT time there!! I was so wasted and so free. We got back to her place and I couldn't even be sober for the kid lol Miracle cooked dinner and we did that Black Mirror movie thing. We fell asleep watching Twilight. 

On my last day, we took a road trip to do a wine tasting. We had a really nice bartender and we ended up eating at this place. It was interesting and hella boujie. We drove back to her place and headed for the airport. I had the worst flight of my life! First of all, due to the rain, the pump hole where they get the gas for the plain was full of water and nobody seemed to know what to do about it. So that delayed the flight about 45 minutes. Once they figured that out, we were further delayed having to wait for air traffic to clear since we were taking off so late. Once we were finally in the air, there were thunderstorms all over the place so the turbulence was horrible. It kept feeling like the plane was dropping. I was so glad to finally have my feet on the ground again. I don't even know how late the plane was, but I know I didn't make it back home til 2:30 and I had to wake up at 5 and go to work. 

Shoutout to Tej for driving me back and forth to Cincinnati! Here's a slideshow of my trip :)

Blog Question- What are you sure to include in your vacation? Or something like that LOL

Answer 1: Eating at places I don't have at home. 
Me: Yessss! New good ass food is always on the list!

Answer 2: Sleeping lol
Me: I'm totally here for the community nap!

Answer 3: Drinking and relaxing!
​Me: Yes and Yes!


To conclude...a vacation is whatever tf you want it to be!!! It doesn't have to live up to nobody's expectations except for yours. Also, I didn't proofread. Sorry for the errors :)

So it's been three weeks...oops. Life happened. Tornado happened, kindergarten graduation happened, and 2nd shift happened.

I'm listening to a Millenium Tour playlist and drinking jack and DIET pepsi. LMAO! That is so funny to me. My grandma gave it to me because she bought it and didn't like it. 

So I was dreading this year's kindergarten graduation. This was my favorite class. I mean from the day that I met them, my heart felt something different. When I was practicing what I was going to say, I kept tearing up and it turned into full on crying. As fate would have it, we had a natural disaster that screwed everything all up. We ended up changing the venue, the date, and pretty much the entire ceremony. I was so wrapped up in the changes that I forgot to cry. It was nice and the kids were so excited to see the videos we had made. I am going to miss them so much. 
Moving on....

I couldn't figure out how best to organize my thoughts on 2nd Shift in fast food...I'm just going to make a list of a few things I've learned/thought/felt about it...

• 2nd shift was created by the devil for the devil's people
• How do people who work 2-10:30 have a life?
• Fast food is DISGUSTING!!!!! We all need to stop eating that shit.
• My moral compass has a crack in it
• 1st shift is spoiled
• 2nd shift has too much responsibility

I think that's all I'm going to say publicly LOL

I decided to get a second job because my savings needs a boost. I have a small amount of savings, but its growing now. I have a deadline for my car and this job is helping me reach it. It was extremely difficult to accept that this is what I needed to do. It just seems so wrong for this to be necessary. I work hard at my first job and I don't even want much out of life, but I've got to do this to get something basic. It just doesn't sit well. Also, this is supposed to be my time to recharge after 9 months of 20 kids asking me 30 million questions before 9am. I had to get over that enough to actually make a move. I got frustrated about something, spoke to a friend, and the next thing I knew, I had a second job. Everybody keeps telling me they're proud of me, but I don't feel it. I'm not proud of me. I'm mad at me. WHY DIDN'T I GET AN ENGINEERING DEGREE?!

My manager is 18. She missed a day to go graduate from high school...Yeah.. I have tons of stories about this place, but I'll tell them once I quit. This job physically hurts my body and it takes my sleep...this ain't gon last long! Also, I feel like a horrible friend. I return no calls, I barely respond to texts. This job is physically more exhausting than I expected. I'm working most of the day and I get home so late that nobody else is really up. I'm awake until like 2am and then I sleep in til noon. By that time, I'm mentally preparing to go to this job I hate and everyone else is at work. But sacrifice is the name of the game right now. I just gotta deal with it for this short period of time. 

I learned some things about myself through this experience...I'm a big ass baby. And I'm fine with that. I also learned that I'm passionate about how people are treated. RESPECT, COMPASSION, EMPATHY..It makes me so angry when I see a lack of these things. And at this new job...I see a HUGE lack in these areas and it makes me a little sad and a lotta angry.

As I told yall...I'm listening to a Millenium Tour playlist...it's currently playing a song that LOOSELY matches what I said about how people should be treated..."let's reach out and love one another" It's talking about sex...which we all know I love soooo....I guess it fits for this week's video LOL Love yall!