Update! I did work my butt off last week with school prep. I did NOT start reading a book for personal pleasure...womp womp...I'll try again on that one. 

I, like many other people, have found myself in not-a-relationship. I didn't see it coming at all!!!! I had seen my friends go through it and vowed that it wouldn't be me. But it is me lol 
Hindsight is 20./20.
Let's go back to the beginning where we mutually discussed how this would be nothing more than friendship. He made it very clear, as did I because at the time, there was no way I could see myself wanting anything more from him. I was at a point in my life where things were finally starting to change for the better and I knew I didn't want the distraction. 

This is the gist of what I did wrong...
I trusted too soon...believed everything he said
I loved too soon...loved the version of our relationship that was my reality and not his
I thought too much...reading between the lines instead reading what was written
I expected too much...expected reciprocity for the things I shouldn't have been doing in the first place
I accepted too much...accepted my truth and his truth although they weren't the same truth
I didn't love myself enough to demand what I wanted.... or else I wouldn't have found myself in this predicament.
WHAT I DIDN'T DO WAS: LISTEN

You get in so deep that it's hard to turn back. There are parts that are genuine and parts you don't want to let go of but how do you do that? How do you stop some parts and keep others? How do you weed out the healthy vs. the unhealthy...? 
You have to break up....with the person your in not-a-relationship with....and grieve the loss of a relationship you never had. 

PS...
Not-a-Relationship is a play on the title of this book I read to my students at the beginning of every year...watch below! 
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It's been a while since I posted anything. I say that all the time! 
This post is all about my aspirations for the week, month, and the rest of the year. 

Looking at the week ahead, it's time to get my head back in the school game. I've been seriously slacking. As some of you may know, I've taken on a big project: replacing my school's curriculum with a teacher created, standards based curriculum. NOOO I was not the teacher that I created it, but I will be implementing it. There is a lot of prep work, time, and MONEY going into this project. It's for the good of my students and I know that it will be successful. For this week, I need to get things printed and organized for the first month and a half. It's really easy to get behind on things, so I'm going to start out strong! I'd also like to start a book to read, personally. 

Looking at the month ahead, I want to get my apartment together. I'm in the process of reclaiming and making change, but I've been so distracted with personal issues and having too many projects going on at once. My apartment and my health are what I'm focusing on this month. That means seeing doctors, grocery shopping as opposed to buying out, packing lunch, establishing routines for my home, basically figuring out my new groove. 

Looking at the rest of the year, more than anything, I want to have a good time, guilt free. I could say, get a car, buy new furniture for my other room, redecorating, enjoying my students, etc. But I've never made it a goal to have a good time. Recently, I've learned that having fun is just as important as anything else. TIME IS PROMISED TO NO ONE, so screw all that work now, play later shit. What if later doesn't come? Vegas is coming up, Miami is coming up...fun is on the horizon!