As I've shared on many different platforms, I have never been in a relationship. I've been a side chick, I've been in a situationship, I've had crushes, I've had suitors, but I've never had a boyfriend.
That often leads me to wonder why...but I'm not ready to explore that yet LOL. I have my ideas as to what I think makes me good girlfriend material and ideas as to what would bother someone about dating me. I could list those things out, but I decided to branch out and ask the guys who know me what they think. Some of these answers really threw me for a loop. And some of the things that didn't make the list surprised me. 

The question I asked them was : what do you think are the pros and cons of dating me?

Pros from guy 1: great sense of humor, huge heart, loyal, honest, positive, great drinking partner, spontaneous, secret, secret, and can cook
Cons from guy 1: bossy, don't like football, and if an argument breaks out he thinks I'll call the cops

Pros from guy 2: funny by accident, like to cook, we would compliment each other in areas that we lack in 
Cons from guy 2: needy, no booty, stubborn/hard headed (this guy was uncooperative in this area and basically told me to tell him what I think and he'd pick from the list...asshole! LOL)

Pros from guy 3: very understanding, good at letting people be themselves, I can talk shit and you won't be offended or irritated, you cook, clean, you're smart, corny as hell
Cons from guy 3: You are a bit pessimistic and you get on my nerves
Additional commentary from guy 3: I love you for you. Flaws and all.

My Comments:
When I decided to branch out and ask guys I know about this, I didn't expect to hear such nice things. I mean I mostly talk shit with my guy friends. I was very pleasantly surprised at how I'm perceived.. I think it's so funny that they all talked about my cooking. None of them said I was cute...so am I cute and that's not important or am I ugly? Some days, I really don't know! 
According to these guys, I should have a boyfriend. Let me add that at some point, all these guys had their chance with me and passed...so ummmmmm they're all lying about those cons 😐

JK but for real...I'm everybody's baby, boo, and dear, but I'm not anybody's girlfriend LOL let me go find one. BYE YALL! 

So remember how I told y’all about when I lost my virginity? Well after four years, I finally have details about that night from the perspective of the man involved.

I never really inquired about it much because I always understood that it was a bigger deal to me. We have definitely talked about it, but I never really got his perspective. I have expressed many times how this experience has changed my life. I didn’t take his virginity, I was not on his radar, and I was extremely inexperienced. I was the one with news after our encounter, not him. After sharing my first experience with him on my blog, my curiosity peaked. I got so much feedback and a few questions. I really wanted to know his side. 

As I’ve mentioned, it was a bigger deal to me. I remembered things down to specific moments. His thoughts seemed to be more scattered and not in a story format. 

There were some similarities in our stories, thoughts, and feelings, but there were also some differences. 

We both agree that he totally didn’t believe me about being a virgin. What I didn’t know was the extent of his doubt...Yall he didn’t believe me until he was...ummm...in there. 

We agree that we were drunk and there was a lot of sexual tension. What I didn’t know was he was feeling it from someone else too. Super awkward because there were only 2 other people in the room...

He was not having the internal conflict that I was having LOL because he definitely thought he was going to be having sex with the other person...We were not in the same space mentally. I knew we was bouta fu-- yall get it. 

Our first real disagreement was about the scene where we were dancing in the corner. Remember I told yall I had my body pressed up against his and I felt his lips and tongue on my ear and neck? He said I kissed him and he was like “oh” kinda like oh she’s for real. I don’t recall kissing him. 

One of the pivotal moments that led to my deflowering was when we left the “party” and went our separate ways. He got the note that I left. He said he was shocked. Yall, I really don’t think he knew what was going on in my mind. I was determined to...you know... and I thought that was more obvious. Guess not.

The thing that really got me is that he thought I wasn’t going to do anything when I went to his place. Again, he did not know how much I wanted him. 

He had some comments about what went down in his bed. We won’t be discussing those things. 

After everything was said and done, he felt one way and I felt another. I walked away feeling like a new person who had done something “bad” but good. He was more like...Hope I don’t regret that… 

The jury’s still out on whether or not he regrets it. Girly can be a handful ;)

I had always wondered about his side of the story. It was to finally hear how he remembers things. 
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​Most of the people I've grown apart from, I've been okay with the fact that we grew apart and wouldn't want it any other way. I'm not trying to be shady, but some things are just not for me and I'm cool with that. However, there's one of my former friends that I miss so much. We grew apart and will probably not come together again. I think she did what she had to do and as much as it hurt me for her to make that decision, I understand having to do what's best for you no matter the cost. 

Dear Old Friend, 

I swear you showed up outta nowhere!! My best friend was hanging out with some new girl and she kept telling me I needed to meet her. We met, we drank, and our friendship was solidified. 

I pray the memories I have with you never fade. When I think of the times in my life where I had the most fun, you were almost always there. I'm always going to have a special place in my heart for anyone who made me laugh as much as you did. I think back to our Ariana Grande road trip, Cinco de Mayo, your birthday in Cincy with the whole wig situation (LMFAO) (SORRY TEJ), decorating gingerbread cookies, and our ugly day on my couch being sad about boys and watching movies. OMG THE SHOTS, BITCH! SO MANY SHOTS!  I feel like we could talk about anything and if we couldn't talk it out, there were always drinks to be had LOL Also, I never seen anybody throw up cute, especially while they were drunk. Like wtf?! 

When the friendship started to fade, I was very confused. I'm not exactly sure what happened, as things ended very abruptly. I need to confess that I said some things that I shouldn't have said  because I was mad. In a sense, I participated in "cancel culture" and cancelled you. Doesn't matter, you had already cancelled me LOL. I don't think I've ever been so affected by someone deciding to drop me out of their life. It took some time to realize that my feelings were hurt. Anger presented itself first and I ran with it. I still don't really know what happened and I've made my peace with it. I just hope that you are really happy and that you hold on to the good times as tightly as I have. 

Love always, 

Ashley ♥

PS shout out to you for teaching me how to do my eyebrows! The gift that keeps on giving...fire selfies for life! 

PPS #amicutebitch

This week, I asked 2 questions on my IG. 

Question 1: Why have you ghosted a friend?
Answer 1: because of her relationship. I couldn't take the stress anymore. 
Answer 2: I didn't want to but it was a hindrance on my relationship
Answer 3: I think we just grew apart
Answer 4: Because after repeated conversation, she never changed and never saw fault in herself.

Question 2: When is it okay to ghost a friend?
Answer 1: depends on the situation. I didn't end the friendship. Just separated myself
Answer 2: Never. I should've explained to my friend exactly what was going on but instead I didn't. Won't make that mistake again. 
Answer 3: When your relationship becomes toxic and the other person isn't willing to change. 
Answer 4: When they're not listening. You can only have so many conversations before you realize the person they are is not a person you want around. 

These questions prompted a new question: what is ghosting?
After discussing with a few friends, the conclusion we came to that ghosting is ending a friendship completely on your terms and completely cutting off the other person. No conversation, no explanation, just disappearing. 

What do you consider ghosting to be? Do you have an answer for the questions? Let me know!

Thanks for reading! Make sure you're following my blog on IG @nicolenaturallyblog