Situations and Things

I always saw memes that described situationships and I’ve even described other people’s relationship as such. Somehow, I missed when I slipped into one. I didn’t even realize that that’s what was happening until the guy loosely mentioned it. Then I started to wonder what a situationship really is…I thought I knew, but seeing how I didn’t recognize my own, maybe I don’t.

I could not figure this out on my own, so I asked the public and here’s what they had to say:

Answer 1: A relationship that's not a relationship lmao
Answer 2: Two people acting like they're together with no title and no sign of commitment
Answer 3: Any relationship best defined as "it's complicated"
Answer 4: Friends with benefits
Answer 5: An understanding between two parties
Answer 6: A relationship in which one party isn’t giving their all. One person likes the other person and the other person isn’t as invested. Lies are involved.
My answer: A relationship with no title, no commitment, but all the feelings.

I was amazed at the differences in the responses. Like WOW! Maybe this is a part of the problem. Everyone has their own definition of what’s going on.

The best definition is ANSWER 3! Maybe every situationship is not the same. They are always complicated, though.

I was friends with my guy, we did have an understanding, I felt like we were “together” but not really, and it was definitely complicated. My guy didn’t lie to me.

Defining a situationship turned out to be more difficult than I anticipated. I figured the various definitions would lead to misconceptions.

I asked the public what misconceptions exist about situationships and here’s what they said:

Answer 1: That people don’t prefer them. They could be someone’s relationship preference.
Answer 2: That they are negative.
Answer 3: That they don’t lead to an actual relationship.
Answer 4: That they lead to relationships.
Answer 5: That women get the short end of the stick.
Answer 6: That the woman is settling because the man doesn’t want a commitment or wants to hoe around.
 My answer: That the feelings aren’t real.
 
I didn’t have a negative experience, it didn’t lead to a relationship and I thought it would, I can’t say that I settled, but he was the one that didn’t want a relationship. Despite how everything happened, we feel real things for each other.
 
That leads me to what inspired my post. My guy said “is [it] fair to actively pursue someone or be pursued by someone and still be in a situationship with someone??”
 
Long story short, my guy didn’t want to be in a relationship, so I decided it was time to explore my options. There was a guy that has been lurking around for a little while now and he just so happened to speak up at the right time. I was honest with both guys about what was happening. I believe that in this unique situation, everybody needs the information to make their own choices. I wasn’t seeking approval or attention, and I wasn’t hoping this new guy would make the old guy change his mind. I don’t know how to do this.  I discovered that I was extremely guarded, longing for my guy, and unexpectedly confused and guilty. Let’s unpack that:
 
Guarded- I didn’t even know how to let a guy be my friend, because friendship is how my situationship started. My experience wasn’t bad, but it didn’t lead to what I wanted. And even just the thought of winding up there again, terrifies me.
 
Longing for my guy- He knows me-The good, the bad, and the ugly. He also accepts me. We’ve gone on a beautiful journey together and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. We are not “ending” we are transitioning and it will be tough.
 
Confused- I question whether or not I’m making the right decision, if I’m moving too fast from one thing to another, how honest I should be with each person…
 
Guilty- referring back to what I believe to be a huge misconception of situationships: the feelings are real. I want to continue to be friends with my guy, but he has feelings too. Just because he didn’t want to be with me, doesn’t mean this doesn’t bother him. I’ve been trying to figure out how to navigate this situation in ways that respects my privacy and right to date, but also doesn’t mislead anyone. Then I think about the guy that I’m beginning to “date” and I wonder if I’m doing him wrong. I told him a lot of what was going on, so it’s not like he’s walking in blind, but still…I just feel so much guilt.
 
 
The toughest part about being in a situationship?
 
Answer 1: addressing blurred boundaries
Answer 2: when it starts to feel too much like a relationship
Answer 3: compromise, communication, consistency
Answer 4: Not getting what I truly want
Answer 5: involving other people
Answer 6: hurt feelings
 
My answer: shaky confidence in decision making
 
Any questions for me? Advice? Thoughts? Send me a message. Let’s chat!