Hiding

So a couple of weeks ago, I spoke about making sacrifices and how I've grown in ways that aren't easily seen by others. I kind of wanted to readdress that because there are some things I need to explain. 

There are some things in my life that I use as an excuse to avoid branching out in my life. 

The first of those things is the fact that I'm a teacher. In college, we were told your personal life could cost you your job. The way that you are perceived makes a huge difference. I took that to heart. I was afraid to go out and I was afraid to post certain things on social media. In my mind, everything could be found. I used my job as a reason to stay lowkey. 
The other way I use teaching to hide, is by acting as if my job is all I live for. Constantly thinking of things I have to do and trying to find time to do them. I lived for school. And I didn't mind it, at first. Not until I realized I was hiding behind it. Last year, I really started desiring new experiences. I didn't actually do much, but I did realize that if I'm not constantly working, my job can still be done. I'm good at my job and don't need to spend so much time preparing to do it. 

The second thing I hide behind, is the fact that I don't have many friends here. I have my best friend here and that's about it. Everyone else that I would do things with, live hours away. In my mind, no friends=no plans. I'm beginning to understand that I like myself enough to spend time doing things with me. I'm not a super shy person, I think I can handle going places on my own. 

The last thing I hide behind is the fact that I don't have a car. I use that as an excuse for EVERYTHING! Events pop up that I'm interested in and I see where it is and decide right away that I can't go. It would be too much of a hassle to get from A-B and back again. I've accepted friends who don't hold up their end of the deal because of my own limitations, I have not supported people that I've wanted to, I've not explored new friendships that I'm interested in, I've not shown people who matter to me just how much they do all because of this car thing. 

I've grown frustrated with all this hiding. I'm more focused on trying to live despite these things. It won't be this way forever, but in the meantime, I can't be a kermit! I don't have many things noticeably different in my life, but I have grown into a different person. My circumstances make things a little difficult, but not impossible. 

Check out bae, again! (Not a video, just audio)
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