Unavailable

​Lately, the only men I attract are the ones who are some kind of unavailable...

• uninterested in a relationship
• married/in a relationship
• emotionally distant
• too many jobs
• long distance
• or a combination of the above

I just want to know why? I must have WASTE MY TIME and BREAK MY HEART stamped somewhere on my body that I can't see because...LORDT!!!! 

I'll admit, it's not all their fault. I ignored signs I should've paid more attention to. This is not to bash anyone, it's to point out my role in my relationships with these unavailable men. I'm trying to be "mature" *eye roll*

To the uninterested man: Sometimes actions speak louder than words, but not always. Sometimes, listening to the right words could spare so much. You said the words "I don't want to be in a relationship" I should've said, "okay, we need to slow down. I'm unable to meet you there" but I didn't. Because I was too busy picking and choosing which words I wanted to pay attention to. The I love yous, the I miss yous, the I want yous...that's what I wanted so that's what I listened to. That's what I chose to believe...I underestimated my ability to realign my expectations. 

To the married/in a relationship men: I'M NOT THE GIRL FOR YALL!!! I just can't go that way. I don't have a role here. As far as I know, I didn't encourage this. I be thinking everything is all innocent and then the kissy faces and "let's get together" starts and I'm like excuse me but did you forget that you're not single? I have been so surprised by the lack of respect these men have for their relationships. Yall be commenting "#relationshipgoals" or "yall so cute" listen let me tell you...they're a whole lie! I'm not saying everyone is lying, I'm just saying some of yall favorite couples are not what they seem. I will never let another couple be goals for me unless I can see the ins and outs.   

To the man that is too busy: This is a case where actions spoke louder than words. You said all the right things. You failed to do what you said you would do. Almost every time. You were selfish and because you offered me some of what I wanted, I accepted it. It was a pattern. I should've paid more attention to what you were doing instead of what you were saying. 

The thing that I find most frustrating about all of this, is that I know better. What you accept once, you'll be faced with again and again. You have to set the tone in the beginning. It just gets so complicated when sex and feelings are involved. 

To anyone who finds themselves with an unavailable person: LEAVE!!! You deserve somebody who can give you what you want...a relationship...sex...dates...whatever it is. If they are not giving it to you...LEAVE!!! There is a such thing as compromise...but when you're dealing with someone who's unavailable, there's no need to compromise. You are already settling for less than what you want. 

Through these experiences, I have learned that I am unavailable. I have never sought out a relationship, sex,, or a date. I may have desired those things at various points, but I've never gone out looking for them. I find myself in situations and kind of just go with it. I am not the woman I want to be. I'm in love with someone and it's complicated. I don't know how to grocery shop. I have things to figure out by myself. I don't need to put my shit on anyone else's shoulders. I'm not about to mess with somebody's head and emotions if I know I can't give them what they need. I was never really on the market, but I'm for sure taking myself off. I don't want any dates, don't ask for my number, don't set me up with your friends, leave me be. I'm not ready. I may fall weak when I'm lonely, but that's no reason to drag somebody into my shit or put myself at risk for yet another unavailable man. Broken people break people and I just want to heal first. 

To all the unavailable people: TAKE YO ASS ON SOMEWHERE!!!! DON'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR YO SHIT!!!!

Yall, I was trying to be the next Jordyn Woods but she out here cuttin up!!! I was trying to be Jordyn Jr...I'm so...idek. Just wtf *face palm*