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AHHHHH IT’S MY FIRST POST OF 2021!!!!!!! I didn’t intend for it to take so long, but here it is, friends! I posted the following picture with this caption: Jalapeño Margarita for the win!!! I had another first time experience in the panny and no it’s not the margarita! New post coming soon :) What do you think I did? 👇🏾  Let me take you back to the beginning of this day. It was a Wednesday and I had a very important meeting. I was dreading this meeting with my whole existence. I knew I was gonna need a margarita after it lol I had my mind set on a jalapeno margarita from Condado. I was gonna go get it after I was done working. I had the meeting and it only confirmed everything I already knew. I think I was depressed afterwards. Maybe I still am a little. I’m not valued in a place I have given my all. A place whose wellness I’ve prioritized over my own. We can save that for another time, though. So anyway, I was cool, but extremely disappointed in the confirmation I received. I decided to go deliver February’s materials to my students. Driving always makes things better. I have 16 students and they live all over the city. The second to last kid took me all the way to Huber Heights. The last kid lives right around the corner from me so that last delivery wasn’t urgent. I pulled into this Wright Patt parking lot to place my food order. I looked up and right in front of me was El Rancho Grande. It was calling to me. I called them to see if they could make my margarita and he was like “Umm yeah” like I asked a dumb question LOL but I had my mind set on Condado because that’s where I first had one. I was gonna have my margarita to go….until I walked in and there were only two old ladies in there eating. I was like wait...I might be able to sit at the bar and have my drink. The significance of this is that I had not sat at a bar since last February!!!! I couldn’t fathom sitting down anywhere around people who weren’t wearing masks. My anxiety wouldn’t let me. But here I was, sitting at a bar all by myself. So do you know what else I did? I ordered food! AND ATE IT AT THE BAR!!! I know it seems like a small thing, but for me this was huge. And after the shitty meeting I’d endured earlier, I needed this victory.  I felt like I was on a high for the rest of the day. I can't say I'm gonna make this a regular thing, but I was very grateful for having this amazing experience on such a shitty day.
Thanks for reading :)
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Dear Covid, I hate your stinking guts. You make me vomit! You are the scum between my toes. Love, Ashley Obviously stolen from The Little Rascals, but pretty much sums up most of my feelings about the panny. 2020 was more than Covid...doesn't seem like it, though. I went into the new year thinking this was the year I was gonna do shit I never did before. I set intentions for my year and then covid happened. Joke was on me LMAO! Or was it…? At the top of the list of new things I wanted to do was attending community events. The first event I went to after making this decision was the Dolla Art Show, which Tej hosted. I know, I went so far away from Tej didn’t I? Lol well anyway, I had an AMAZING time! I even ran into people I knew and could socialize a little more than I anticipated. It was also the first time I ever showed my belly in public (outside of my bathing suit). Here are the pictures I was able to capture from this event. The next big thing, which was a week later, was my 28th birthday!!! Yall, all my friends stood me up except for one. We figured we would catch up with each other the following weekend or something. Kiera and I had a great time catching up over dinner. Tiera came and joined us for the paint and sip. Here are the photos of the last time I went out without paralyzing anxiety in 2020. Also, another fashion first: I tucked my shirt in lol I can't find the picture I thought I had to show the whole outfit, but check us out! On Thursday, March 12, 2020, it was announced that schools in Ohio would close due to Covid-19. The schools were ordered to close by end of day on Monday. My school made the decision to close right then and there. So we had ONE DAY to get the kids ready for two weeks of “Distance Learning”. Should I add that we didn’t even have copy paper in the building?? LOL! We were scrambling to figure this out. I think I was numbed by shock and the impending deadline. Idk how we prepared for that, but we did. The teachers in my building did some AMAZING things in a very short period of time. By that following Wednesday, I was in a full blown state of panic. I couldn’t breathe for months. I couldn’t really do my job. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. My friend kept saying “Ashley, you have anxiety.” I’m like how in the hell is this anxiety? It wasn’t just moments of panic. It was a constant unchanging state of pain, fear, and uncertainty. Everything hurt, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t sleep at times, and then I would sleep all day. I lost 13 pounds in a week because I couldn’t eat. I couldn't make any of it stop. I was like something has to give. I felt crazy. I didn't recognize myself or understand why this was happening to me. I seriously considered committing myself to some kind of hospital. I thought it would feel better to be numb than to feel what I was feeling. There’s so much more to this, but we don’t have to get into the details. Amidst the chaos of Covid and anxiety, I got Noelle! Noelle is my car, for those who don’t know. I just woke up one morning, saw this horoscope, and took steps to find Noelle. I didn’t even tell anyone I was doing it until the day she showed up at my door. Noelle is my other bestie! She's me in car form. She's short and sassy...girly doesn't like road bullies. She becomes the road bully.  On the days that I could function as a human, I would attend virtual events with my girls. We had a few game nights and birthday parties. I don’t know about you guys, but I did a lot of shopping during this time. Especially back when we thought we would still have a hot girl summer lol I used these events as more opportunities to take risks. Covid changed school. It sucks. I battled with no longer having confidence in the one thing I had right in my life. My job has been the place where I received most of my joy. I had a purpose and what I was doing was meaningful. Distance learning became a thing and I was seriously like wtf? Most of what’s important to teach in kindergarten is social emotional. Of course there’s content, but it is usually interwoven with the social emotional learning. I mean my kids learn from each other and I’m there facilitating. I WAS STOMPED! And then people were deciding all this stupid stuff....at the last minute. It was a mess. School is a place where so many intersections meet, but the two that caused me the most stress were race and socioeconomic status. Those things caused groups of people to experience the pandemic differently and somehow that was shocking to people and was grossly ignored. I’ve always been one to advocate on behalf of my students, but this year, I had to advocate for their parents, too. I’m not going to get into too many details, but I fought VERY hard for what should’ve been basic compassion. I exhausted myself so much fighting for them, that by the time I needed to fight for myself, there was no more fight left. There were only decisions. I had to decide what my non-negotiables were and hold myself accountable to sticking to them. I had to put myself above everything else they got going over there because THEY TRIPPIN! But again, I won’t get into the details LOL All that matters is that my parents and students are okay. Some of my parents seemed like they didn’t care how hard I was working and others recognized my efforts. At a time where I felt unseen, unheard, and not effective, that recognition seriously made all the difference. Sorry, the first one is cut off and I'm not a techy person that can figure out why lol All the craziness of 2020 and Covid led me to therapy, which has changed my life!! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Highly Recommend FOR EVERYBODY!
Therapy led to so many breakthroughs and it's only been six months. I realized that I was suffering a lot longer than I ever knew and the panny just exacerbated everything. I had to start looking deeply at my entire self; past, present, and future. I had to start looking more closely at my relationships; how am I showing up and how are they showing up? I had to start looking at what I want my life to look like versus how it actually looks. I had to start making different choices and remembering what I intended to do this year. Covid did take many things, but it didn't stop me as much as I thought it had. I'm coming out of this year with lots of things to be proud of. I didn't want to write a whole paragraph for everything so here's a list:
The thing that I'm most proud of is choosing me in places and spaces that I never have before. How was your 2020? What did you do to make yourself proud? Be safe tonight! Love you guys :) 2020 has been a wild ride!! I'll address that more next week. I asked you guys what you wanted and yall said "SPILL THE TEA, SIS!" Cool. I narrowed this list down from 22 to 10. Enjoy! 1. I listen to one of these albums waaaaay more than the other and, unfortunately, it is not Bae's. Both are great, though! 2. I follow two Instagram pages that help make me feel normal about my medical conditions. I am living with diabetes and I have generalized anxiety disorder. It is difficult to discuss how these things impact my life daily. These instagram pages provide a sense of "normalcy" to my day about things that are "weird" to talk about. 3. Yall I love our favorite hot girl, but Meg's album was not good. I stopped at song 8 or 9 and I only saved Cry Baby...  4. I'm a very sexual person but somehow there was more than a year in between the last two times I had sex.  5. During that time, something strange happened. I swear for like a week I had a broken...ummm...  PS It's not broken 😜 6. I indulge in serious daydreaming. It's my favorite form of escapism. When I listen to music or read books, I feel like I can disappear from wherever I don't want to be.  7. I started doordashing about two months ago and I have three things to say about it: 1. Turn on your fucking porch light!! 2. Sorry, I forgot your drink in my car 🥴 3. I can't tell if the mask is upside down or not lol  8. I wish I was closer to my family. I know some people were really struggling with not being able to be around their families during this time and in that regard, I didn't experience much change. We grew apart years ago and that was just that. There's no beef or anything, it just happened. Of course I'm close with my mom and sister, but that's it for real.  9. I had my first romantic cuddle...in rona...at 28. It was the sweetest thing ever and now there's no turning back.  10. I am truly IN LOVE with all of my closest friends. When I tell you I don't know what I did to deserve such a tolerant support system, I mean that. These are people that have been in my life since I was trash lol I had a lot of learning and growing to do. I am provided the space to my entire self and I only hope that I provide that for them too 💖 All of the following things ring true in my friendships:  So those are the ten confessions that made the cut!
I hope everyone is finding joy this holiday season! It's the first day of Kwanzaa and it's my best friend's birthday. Cash her out $Tcartwright20 Were you surprised by anything? Did you already know something from the list? Anything you want to share? As always, thanks for reading (I actually can't believe you guys read my blog 😭) Hey, I'm back. I didn’t want to make the post annoyingly long, so I split the content into different parts. If you haven't read the first part of this, you can find it here.
There are more stories, more matches, the pros and cons of each dating app, anxiety, and my past relationships that will help make the documentation of this journey more complete. Let’s jump right in with THE CRAZIEST THING that has happened to me with the dating apps in my entire history on those things. I matched with a guy named Mike, yes, he gets exposed because...well, you’ll find out. Anyway, we’re chatting and at this point, I was confused on what I wanted. I was just going with the flow. We matched on BLK. We spoke for a day and then he said hey what’s your number? I gave it to him and we had pretty decent conversation until he asked me how tall I was. I was just like hmmm that’s weird. He said you look short. I said I am. I’m 5’2”. He asked me about the tallest man I’ve ever dated. I gave him the tallest guy I’ve been with which was 6’. He told me he was 6’5” and that he thought we could have fun with that...Umm what does that even mean? Then he sends me a video...of him...jacking off. And he was holding himself in the strangest way. His hand was upside down and twisted. It was, by far, the creepiest video I’ve ever seen and I grew up when The Ring came out...He had this sadistic giggle after he came. Oh, yes, I did watch the video. Does that make me a weirdo? I was just curious. If it makes any of you feel better, I wish I hadn’t seen it. I’m not sure what’s wrong with him, but that was just a really strange thing to do. While that was strange and creepy, guys were weird for other reasons, too. I really wonder about mens' thought process when they sign up for these things. There were a few guys I matched with who didn’t seem to be trying to get to know me as much as they were trying to interview me for a job. It’s such an inauthentic way to get to know someone and decide compatibility. It was question after question after question and I didn’t feel like it was about me at all. It was to fill a pre-defined position. It makes me wonder if guys are aware of how they come off. Looking back, maybe I should’ve told them. Let’s get into the pros and cons of each app: Match:
BLK:
Hinge (I like the setup of this one the most):
The two matches that made it to the final round were from BLK and Bumble. So now we’re totally off the apps and we’re talking to each other daily. That’s the extent of what I know how to do in this arena. I’ve never dated anyone. I’ve never been this heavily pursued by someone I was mutually interested in. This is where past situations begin to play a role. As I’ve shared before, I was in a situationship for YEARS and that’s not what I want. I created a bond with someone. I don’t regret that bond at all. Somewhere down the line, I began to think we were headed somewhere that we weren’t. He told me he didn’t want to be in a relationship, but it didn’t feel that way to me. It created a distrust in my decision making and in other people’s feelings for me. For a little while, this made me wonder if maybe I jumped into all of this too quickly. I didn’t see these issues arising as I was trying to move on with my life and seek what I know I want. Anxiety is definitely at play here, as well. We’re in a pandemic. A pandemic that doesn’t discriminate but has been known to attack those of us with chronic illnesses a little harder. I’m not sure why I didn’t see this coming but these guys want to see me. They want to go on dates, have sex, lay up and watch Chicago PD LOL and my scary ass is like no!!!! But I know that this answer won’t be acceptable for too much longer. I’m lost trying to decipher between my anxiety disorder or normal situational anxiety in a pandemic. Am I being overly cautious or blocking my blessings? This is where that distrust of my decision making comes back around. SEND HELP!!! LOL I’m a whole mess, but we all fuck with me so I'm not as bad as I think😜. So how about a little tea about the guys? I’m gonna give them fake names. Let’s talk about Dro first...He is a fine ass educated simple dude that sees me. People look at me and see innocence. Every time I say a bad word or get mad it’s a big deal because I “don’t look like the type”. Ummm what? It’s a set up. I can’t compete with the shit you made up in your head about me and you don’t seem that open to finding out who I really am. Am I good person? Yes. Am I sweetheart? Yes. But I'm also the hot-headed teacher with the potty mouth. Dro sees that. I like that! That’s me!!! I’m not saying we’re headed for marriage, I’m just saying I’m not starting out with the cards stacked against me. Now let’s talk about Nathan. Nathan is obsessed with my beauty. He’s kind of corny, but in a tolerable way. I haven’t spoken to him as much, which is why I feel more inclined to take him up on his date offer. We’re not friends on social media and we don’t talk too much, so we would have a lot to talk about on a date. Idk though...Dro makes my p-- nope. We’re not going to go there. Kudos to you if you recognized the character names from Insecure! So again, where did I land? I saw this tweet that said “anxiety keeps you alive but stops you from living”. Girly has to live. I have discussed plans of an actual date with Nathan. I think I want to see Dro first, though. That might be the hormones talking LOL I’m seeing someone this weekend, I just don’t know who right now. Dro doesn’t stay home enough for what I’m trying to do though… Enough about them. I've enjoyed my experience on dating apps this go round. I'm not sure what the future holds, but I'm having a nice time letting everything unfold. Quick and very random piece of advice for guys on dating apps--fill out the whole profile if you're serious. Your picture isn’t enough. This experience has left me with questions… 1.What are dating apps like for men? 2.Any additional advice for people who want to use dating apps? 3.Who has a success story to share? 4.Is there still a stigma around online dating? 5.Also, if anyone has any covid-friendly date ideas...drop em👇🏾! Thanks for reading!! Love you all 💖 This is going to be a longer post than usual. Make sure you got some time! So I got back on dating apps. It’s been almost two months and WOW do I have stories to share! I joined BLK, Match, Hinge, and Bumble. I’ve had the most success on BLK, and the biggest flop and shock on Match. If you’ve read my last post on dating apps, you’re probably very surprised that I wound up giving them another try. The idea to get back on dating apps came from my therapist. I had been doing a lot of work surrounding what I want out of life and she just encouraged me to take a chance. Before this experience, I thought that it was a relationship that I was after. That might've changed...maybe. I’m gonna start with sharing my own dating profile!!! I’m gonna put these dudes on blast, so I gotta put myself on blast too! (I may have downplayed the anxiety) (Ok I flat out lied) Here’s my Bumble profile!        So there you have it. My corny ass dating profile! It's cute! I love it LOL You get nice wholesome women like me on these things, and then a guy slides in your inbox and says:  Guys can be a little weird on here. I know that’s biased, but I never see what women post because I’m not looking for one LOL Check out these other things I saw while exploring on the dating apps:    That last one...I was equally pissed and weak lol you can have your preferences but that was just disrespectful for no reason. His stupid ass would love it here. He's holding himself back.
So the first app I tried was Match. You have to pay to talk to people. I thought that if I was gonna take this seriously, investing in it might be worth it. I matched and had conversations with a few guys and after a few days, I exchanged numbers with one of them. Remember, I had the biggest flop on this app. Yall….we got off the app and all of a sudden he didn’t know how to hold a conversation anymore. He would text me and respond with one word answers or take two days to respond. First of all, that was triggering af. Second, he was 42. How are you 42 and don’t know how to talk? I stopped responding. During that time, we found out the kids were coming back into the classroom in a really fucked up way. I was very angry for a while. He randomly text me out the blue and said “Hope all is well”. When I responded, he said I was a bad communicator for not telling him about work. I looked at my phone like what?! Who are you?! I don’t owe you shit. I don’t even know you. And that’s where I learned the first lesson: communication is reserved for what and who matters. It’s also reciprocal. So there you have the biggest flop. FUN FACT: I matched with a guy I've matched with before. I also experienced the biggest shock from Match. Right before my month was up, I had been having a pretty good conversation with someone. And because of that, he confessed something to me. He told me he had been living with herpes for 16 years. I responded thanking him for his honesty and then my month was up the very next day. I didn't intend to leave it like that. I just knew I wasn’t going to pay for another month. I was done with paying for these little apps. No judgment to him or anyone living with something like that. People don't just go out and get herpes on purpose. I understand that. FUN FACT: I'm currently friends on facebook with a guy that I matched with. I've never done that before. Let's move on to Hinge. That is a newer dating app and I like it's format. The very first night on there, I matched with a white guy. He liked my picture and we started a conversation. He was not my type. I entertained it for a day until he got really drunk that same night and started messaging me about anal. I'm. Not. Kidding. Lesson number 2: Don't waste time on someone you don't like. Now my favorite dating app is BLK. The energy radiates from the app lol IYKYK. So anyway, I matched with 9 guys on here. I proceeded to have conversations with 5 of them, consistently. Then I became really aware of something--I no longer knew what I was looking for. I'm having all these conversations and somehow what I wanted became elusive. These guys are telling me what they want and I'm just like ok cool. NOOOOOOO! Not cool! Not having clear boundaries and being so open to what he wants is where I have always gone wrong with men. All this swiping and all these conversations started to get difficult to manage, so I changed things up. I had hastily decided that I just wanted to have sex. So I started looking for the safest option. The only issue was that one of those conversations started hitting a little different. We moved off the app and started texting, then calling, then facetiming. And then I got confused again, which scared me. Lesson number 3: know what you want before you get started and hold yourself accountable. FUN FACT one of the guys I matched with gave me the recipe to this tea that makes me feel so much better when I'm sick. I'll never forget that. So then we get to Bumble, and I'm just trying to get laid now. Yall...I matched with this guy and he told me I was gorgeous and that he wanted to spend time with me. So I'm like ok cool it's sounding like a hook up. So I'm talking to him, trying to get to know his habits to see if he's safe to have over and he tells me he would love to take me on a date. I'm out here trying to get slutted out and he said he wants to have a covid-safe date. I had to re-evaluate my life choices at this point because wtf? How do I keep getting this all wrong lol? FUN FACT At one point, I was conversing with 4 guys between BLK and Bumble. Two of them have the same name and the other two of them have the same name. Can't make this shit up lol So where did I land after all this madness? I'm still talking to two of the guys and thankfully, they have different names. I'm still a little confused about what I want. One of them is a little more involved than the other and I may make the choice to see him first. Yall know how I feel about covid, so I'm trying to get him to chill for a couple weeks LOL we'll see. He's pretty lowkey, but he still does too much for my comfort. The other one, I don't feel a super strong connection, but he is really trying and he's respecting all my boundaries. So the last lesson: if you're really looking for something, you're going to have to invest a lot of time. I weeded through a lot of creeps, weirdos, and pervs and I was only doing this for two months. It's like speed dating but not speedy and it's online lol so it's not like speed dating... I feel like I rambled. Look out for the next post where I will dive deeper into some of the other highs and lows with the guys that I matched with, how past "relationships" have impacted my decisions, and where anxiety plays a role. Trying to date in a pandemic is ridiculous lol why did I embark on this journey again? Lol jk, I'm having a lot of fun with it! Have you tried to date since March? How did it work out? Any tips? Heyyyy! It’s been a while since I did an overall life update, so let’s dig in. Let me set the scene. I’m in my living room at one of my three desks. I have a Janet Jackson video playlist playing from youtube. I’m smelling the brussel sprouts I got from Smashburger. They stink lol So hmmm where to start...I guess work because ewww. As you all know, I’m still a kindergarten teacher, but barely. I got one foot out the door. I’m not a fan of any part of what’s going on, as far as education is concerned. There is no real way to win. Everybody involved is screwed. And somehow it’s become the job of the teacher to fix that. My passion for the job and compassion for all involved is why I’m so good, but in this situation, it’s also why I haven’t been able to just say FUCK THIS like I want to. Yet. Ok let’s move on to home...It’s still my home LOL at least for a few more months. Girly is about to move after almost 6 years. I’m ready to live in a place I like, with stuff that’s all mine. This place is a hodgepodge of things that once belonged to other people. I mean from people’s houses, the dorms, outside the dumpster...I was not above scouting for shit when people moved out. I'm so grateful for this apartment and what it has been for me, but I’m ready to start over. I’ve already acquired the first new thing for my new place and I’m excited about it. Anxiety...it’s still here. Fucking up my life LOL MEN...I have a lot of updates in this area. I rejoined all those dating apps and boy do I have stories to tell. Men are interesting creatures! Just wait until I write the updated dating apps post. Yall are going to get such a kick out of what these men have said to me, sent to me, and asked of me. I’m ending a situationship and trying to transition the relationship, but I don’t know how to do that. There is just so much there for me to undo, unlearn, and reprogram. There will definitely be more on this later. Therapy is going really well! I absolutely love my therapist. We are reading a book together and we were able to celebrate Biden’s win together! That is so important to me, because there isn’t a safe place to go to talk about politics these days. Of course my close friends, but I’m honestly afraid to know political affiliations outside of those places. We all know that in 2020, it’s not just politics. So let’s talk diabetes for a quick second. When I was first diagnosed on August 23, 2019, my a1c was 11.8. I was able to get it down to 6.4 with the help of insulin injections. I began to learn more about diabetes and decided I didn’t want to be on insulin anymore. So I stopped. I watch what I eat and I work out more. I don’t work out nearly as much as I should, but I do stay active. I was able to get my a1c down to 6.3 WITHOUT INSULIN!!!!! Just me, my body, and my good choices. I am so proud and hoping to keep it up. My only concern is that I’m not losing weight fast enough. It’s a few pounds here and a few pounds there and it’s inconsistent. Umm I’m not sure what else there is to update you on… Yall know me and Noelle still cool af! That's my girl! New interests, I suppose… I’d like to do a real photo shoot. Closed set. The photographer has to be a stranger. And I only want two outfits. The little photo shoot I had at my house inspired tf outta me. Like...I'm a bad bitch. I need more photo evidence of this lol Oh and my November/December vision board is on the way. Yes, this one is combined! I think that’s it for now. Be on the lookout for follow up posts about some of these things! What’s going on with you? What updates would you like to share?  My car buying experience was so 2020. I bought my car through Carvana after receiving this message from the universe.  The process was extremely easy. I didn’t believe it until the car showed up and they didn’t try to take it back LOL Here is what I remember: I downloaded the app and had no idea what to search for. I ended up searching for a small 4 door sedan. I swiped past so many and favorited 3 different cars. I had my eye on this 2017 Nissan Altima. I thought that was the one I was going to get. I reviewed my options and cancelled out the other two cars because of two things: one of them was electric and the Altima had too many miles and the other one was blue. I didn’t want a blue car. So I searched a little longer and found my girl! The sassy black 2019 Kia Rio only had 6,000 miles and looked like it was made for me. I reviewed the pictures and that was it. I was like yeah this is the one. They did a credit check to finance the loan and they checked my bank account to make sure the down payment was actually there. After I submitted all of my information, I received a call. We discussed what the process would look like going forward and set a date for delivery. I got Noelle on April 24, 2020, which just so happens to be Kehlani’s birthday!!! Swear it was a coincidence, a happy coincidence! Here's Bae in case you don't know....  Anyway, I thought I’d share some of the experiences I've had and things I’ve learned since having my own car.
What was your first car? What are some things you remember about your first driving experiences? Any advice for me? Comment below :) Hey guys! Ok so I have to tell yall how I ended up at my computer at 3AM typing a blog. I was sitting in my chair, listening to music, and the computer just came on...At first I was freaked out because yall know I don’t like that stuff...like why are you operating without my command? I walked over to close it and sat down instead. I lit my Eucalyptus Rain candle from Bath and Body Works and turned on Eric Bellinger’s Born II Sing Vol. 3. So I was about to take a filtered selfie for the post, but as soon as I opened Snapchat, the song said “...can I see you with no filter” LMAO. So I took the picture with no filter. I experienced a small victory this week. Yall know I’m trying to lose some weight. For some people, quarantine pushed them harder to workout. For me, anxiety paralyzed me. I started working out a little bit here and there, very inconsistently. I decided to go to the park and walk. It was hot outside, so I figured I would be melting after about 10 minutes. I turned on my 30 Day Song Challenge playlist and got to walking. I listen to my playlists on shuffle. The third song was a gospel song, Mary Mary’s Can’t Give Up Now. I was about to skip it because it didn’t seem like the right vibe. Then I thought back to something my therapist said when I told her I was trying to workout more. First, she asked me what I listen to when I workout and I told her sometimes I listen to books or have some fast upbeat music. She said try to keep what you listen to happy and positive that way your brain connects that feeling to working out. When she said it I was like yeah whatever (in my head), I’m still gon blast Yo Gotti LOL, but then that Mary Mary song came on and changed my mind. I listened to it and the words resonated so heavily with what I was feeling. It was empowering in a way I didn’t expect. Next, I asked Siri to play Shackles (Praise You). That 2nd verse hit me so hard I almost cried. Everything that could go wrong I listened to just that one song on repeat and walked my first mile since having to quit the gym in February. God carried me through that. I definitely was not alone! I didn’t even realize how long I had been walking. I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF!!! People have their qualms about celebrating the small things, but I honestly don't know how I would accomplish anything if I didn't have little milestones to celebrate on the way to finish line. Don’t punish yourself by ignoring your progress! Even more reason to celebrate...I did it again! The second time was a little tougher, but I made it through 🙌 What small victory did you celebrate recently?
Thanks for reading! I’m not one to participate in many instagram challenges, but I participated in the 30 Day Song Challenge. I didn’t finish posting the songs on Instagram because I kept forgetting, but I did make the playlist when I first began the challenge. Here are my songs:
I was looking back at my song choices and I think they represent me well. The big winner is Jhene Aiko, a fellow pisces! And no surprise that my fave, Kehlani, is in second place, just one song behind Jhene! I made the playlist public on Apple Music if you are interested in listening :) my username is ashleya636 I posted the challenge below if you want to get started! Enjoy!  Every once in a while, I have a really vivid dream. I usually wake up and text it someone. I think I've told this to someone before, but I can't be sure. I usually record them if they were interesting enough. This one was absolutely insane!!
I had a dream I was being pursued by this big time drug dealer. He was sending me nice gifts and sending me plane tickets to meet him in different cities. He sent me a snap, telling me he had to go to Japan and that he had a ticket for me. I initially said no, but my roommates were annoying tf outta me so I changed my mind. I packed my bags and replied that I was coming. He said he was sending a car. I went outside to wait for my ride. There was this group of maybe 5 boys all dressed in white pants and blue hoodies. They started harassing me, saying all types of shit about me. I was trying to get back in the house and they were blocking my path. Somehow I had a gun, but one of them did too. He pointed his gun at me and I pointed mine at him. The rest of the boys had run away. I kicked him in the nuts and his gun fell. So I picked it up. I got to my back door and was trying to get in when the boys found me again. They crowded around me pushing me around and saying mean things. The guns disappeared. I managed to get in and they were trying to get in too. I got the door locked. I sent a snap to the drug dealer telling him that I couldn’t come. He said I broke his heart.... That's a lot to digest LOL any dream interpreters out there 👀 Help a girl out! Happy Tuesday! |
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