What I learned from being sad on Valentine's Day

This Valentine’s Day was definitely one for the books and not in the ways you would think. I was honestly sad af. Like if I hadn’t have been with Luke, I probably would’ve been in tears the whole night. Nobody can be in tears around Luke LOL he’s hilarious! That's him in the picture ignoring my whole existence. Anyway, yall know I opened myself up to dating people last year. And I was sitting there on Valentine’s Day without a message from any of them. I wasn’t sad that they didn’t text me. I was sad because I realized how far away I am from what I wanted. 

I’ve always been vocal about not being ready for a relationship. I thought I would get some sort of warning before that changed, but I guess not. That feeling on Valentine’s Day was an eye opener. I was like well I’ll be damned. I want a boyfriend all of a sudden...WTF!! The shit just seemed to come outta nowhere. It was that sad ass day that I looked deeply into the “relationships” I had with my guys and the possibility of any of them being able to give me what I wanted. I decided that the answer was no and everybody got deleted and blocked. 

But wanting a meaningful relationship wasn't the big thing here. Understanding this about myself and finally making a clear decision about something is what the big deal is. I went down the rabbit hole of negative thoughts about my life and I could see clarity. 

I cannot recall a time that I was so sure about something regarding my future. All of a sudden I had clear goals. I was looking at things with a more realistic lens. If I want more of the same, then I can keep doing what I’ve always done. But if I want something different, I have to do different shit. You wanna know something I’ve never done? I’ve never set goals with deadlines. I’ve never written plans for goals. I had dreams. It was the strangest feeling. Usually anger motivates me, but feeling pitiful did it this time. 

The mistakes that I've made in the past with goals includes focusing on too many things, looking at the big goal and getting discouraged, not setting deadlines, and simply not putting in the work.

I wanted this time to be different. I'm 28 now! I'm literally different. Everything in me is a year older...I tried to be deep but that's not deep LOL 

​Anyway, I have a plan for my goals...

Check out my first goal and my plan for accomplishing that goal here!

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