​We’ve all heard of the 5 love languages, right? Well if not, here’s a quick little summary to quickly explain:

I've had to make consolations and adjustments. I've had to decline things that I would've said yes to in a heartbeat. Quarantine has been difficult for lots of reasons, but two of those reasons are the difficulty I have with the ways I like to be loved. My friends are doing what they can to help me out as best they can and I'm very grateful for that!


What's your love language? If you don't already know, I invite you to take the quiz! Comment your results here or on my IG @nicolenaturallyblog

Thanks for reading!

Oh and if you've missed my last few posts, you can find them here:
10 Things That Went Well This Week
The Perfect Storm
Keeping Ashley Going

This week has been a little tough. I’m working my way through some things (honestly, who isn't?). I have a lot of tough decisions to make and the fact that I have to make them is not sitting well with me. I’m not making a sad post LOL I am actually focusing on the highlights of the week so here goes:  


1. I finished 2 books and officially hit my goal of reading 24 books in 2020!!! The books I finished this week were The Wives and The Vanishing Half. Both books were sooooo good! I'm always down for a book discussion if anyone has read either of them. Also, a book I pre-ordered became available! 


2. I napped in the calm room. I had been having trouble sleeping so I set myself up in the calm room and slept for a little under 5 hours!! I woke up so confused...that's always a sign of a good nap. Between the black out curtains,  the storm outside,  the mental exhaustion, the new rug, the weighted blanket, the tower fan, and the Simpson's playing in the background, I had no choice but to sleep well in there. 


3. I worked out everyday except for one and set new records on my exercise ring. I received new information about my diabetes that gave me an extra boost of motivation. 


4. I had a book club meeting with some of my best friends. Of course, we didn't just focus on the book. It was so nice to catch up and feel connected to more of my people. 


5. I helped my grandma with a computer issue. This may seem minor, but I stepped outside of my comfort zone and answered my grandma's call. I helped her fix her computer and told her I loved her. Sometimes, I can't talk to people and I was so happy to be able to talk to her like I would've before all this. 


6. I honored my boundaries while also trying to open myself up a little more to things that were once normal.  


7. I cooked more than I have in a while. Working out is making me think twice about what I'm eating. 


8. I met with my therapist. She really spoke to my soul this week. I'm so happy that I did this for myself. 


9. I finished Master Chef. This one is bittersweet. I feel very accomplished, but now I don't know what to watch. I learned a lot about cooking techniques and flavor combinations from watching this. I actually cooked with shallots this week LOL

​
10. I rearranged my room. I've always been one to change things around from time to time. I felt like my room wasn't working for me anymore. I am so pleased with how it turned out!


So the week wasn't perfect, but there were definitely some sweet spots! What were the highlights of your week?

As always, thanks for reading! And look for the recipe to the margarita on my instagram page! 

Peer Support - Some peers haven’t understood my struggle, while others have truly showed up and showed out for me. I don’t know that I would be able to function without the support of my peers who understand and those who don’t, but are trying. 

What are some things you've done to keep yourself going during this time? Comment and let me know :) 

Thanks for reading!

Here we are! Story #5!

This story is about the time I got some top tier premium D after my nephew’s first birthday party! It’s sweet, sexy, and kinda funny LOL

I had been texting my dude the whole time because he was on a road trip and we had been going back and forth about whether or not he was gonna come see me. The final answer I had received was a no. So I left the party late and went home to shower and sleep. 

I was texting him and letting him know I’m sleepy, but I can call him if he needs someone to stay up with him while he’s driving. He called me a few minutes later and told me he made a detour to Dayton. I got so nervous!! I love that feeling, though. I was so nervous that I watched him drive right past my apartment LOL It was his first time coming to my place. 

Fast forward past the initial greetings. He sat on my bed and I was naked in an open robe like an old man. He pulled me to him and told me a couple of times that my body was beautiful. We kissed...for a while. And then we held each other...for another while.

I could’ve held on a lot longer, but he was like can I taste your pussy. And who tf says no to that?! So I laid back on my bed and he kissed me again and then he kissed down my body. I told him that I missed him as he was kissing me, because he left no stone unturned. That was unlike my experiences with the other 3 guys. 

So he was down there doing his thing and I just kept dying and going to heaven. I mean his whole face was working on my behalf. Then he told me to turn around and I had no idea what was about to happen LOL and then I felt him enter my body and I saw the gates again. I think the surprise of him entering me, the fact that it had been almost a year since I had sex, and the fact that it was him, just made the moment that much more pleasing.

So we’re fucking and he goes “I’m about to cum” and I said “NOOO you can’t!” so he paused mid-stroke and just looked at me. So I explained “I lost my birth control pills 3 days ago, so don’t cum” he looked at me weird and asked “How did you lose your birth control” I told him the story of what happened and I guess that bought him some more time because he kept going and I didn’t get pregnant. 

There was an intermission and I felt how weak my legs were 😩 my whole body kinda felt weak but my legs were the worst. We shared some intimate moments.  Here’s where I learned that sex is hazardous. He asked me if I wanted to choose what to do next or if I wanted him to choose it. He wanted me to get on top. I had never done that, so I was terrified. There was no going slow, I’m heavy LOL so I was nervous about taking it all in at once. After some maneuvering, I felt the tip begin to enter and I freaked out a little. I went to raise myself up and almost fell backwards off the bed into my TV. He grabbed me so nothing bad happened. 

It was a big no LOL. He was determined to continue my pleasure, so we kept going despite my fear. He got real creative and my body began to shut down. He was preparing to shower and I was trying to stay awake. I failed because the next thing I know, he was asking where to find lotion. I missed the whole shower. 

We hugged and kissed goodbye. I watched him drive off like a weirdo in a sad movie and then I went to sleep. 

The end! That’s 5 out of 5! Thanks for reading. Wonder what I should do next?

​

Hey yall! Idk about you, but this thing that’s happening is screwing with my anxiety. Yall know I’m a homebody. Staying home isn’t the problem. It’s the reason we have to stay home that’s eating at me. Also, knowing that loved ones are still having to go to work or making the choice to leave their house.
​
Anyway, I wrote a list of five stories that I will eventually tell. I cut them apart and balled them up. This is what I chose first: The most awkward parent teacher conference I’ve had thus far. 

Parent-teacher conferences are always a little awkward because in most cases, I don’t know the relationship between the parents. Oftentimes, I don’t find out until conference time. If two parents are listed in our database, then I send conference confirmations to both parents. Well in this story, only one parent was listed. So I had one copy of test scores, one parent listed on the sign in sheet, one set of take home resources, you get it. As I walked out the parents before this conference, I could feel tension in the air. I looked around for one parent, and saw THREE people out in the hall and everybody was pissed. Nobody said anything. I said the student’s name and they all stood up. I thought, “Oh shit”.

A man and two women entered the room and we didn’t get very far before things got weird. The woman I knew was the kids mom turned to the man and said “she can wait in the hall” I looked up at everybody and said “I’ll be at the back table when you’re ready”. They whispered back and forth to each other and then the mom and the man, presumably dad, came to the back table. Mom was shooting daggers at Dad with her eyes and breathing audibly. 

As I said before, I was only prepared for one parent, so they had to scoot close together to see everything I had prepared. I was in the middle of explaining test scores when I was interrupted by Mom. “You really had to bring her? She could’ve stayed in the car.” Dad didn’t respond right away, but I still didn’t say anything because Mom was still looking at him. Dad goes, “She’s my girlfriend, she can be here too” Mom says “Girlfriend? *eyeroll* Ok.” They both looked at the paper so I continued. Then Mom starts laughing. I stop again to see if she’s going to do or say anything else, but she tells me to keep going. I’m explaining to them what I’d like to see happen in the next quarter and what they can do to support their son and then they start fighting over the paper. I grabbed it and told them I’d go make another copy- which I intended to do at the end of the conference to save time. When I come back, they’re not saying anything and they’re turned away from one another. I give them each their copy and continue to explain what they can do to help. 

As I’m gathering everything for each of them, they both thank me and compliment me. It just seems like they’re both trying to outdo each other. They take their papers and leave. 

That was the longest ten minute conference ever. 

And then later that night, Mom messaged me and apologized. She said she was completely blindsighted at some woman she’d never met showing up to her son's conference. 
WOW! 

One story down, four left to go!

​

This Valentine’s Day was definitely one for the books and not in the ways you would think. I was honestly sad af. Like if I hadn’t have been with Luke, I probably would’ve been in tears the whole night. Nobody can be in tears around Luke LOL he’s hilarious! That's him in the picture ignoring my whole existence. Anyway, yall know I opened myself up to dating people last year. And I was sitting there on Valentine’s Day without a message from any of them. I wasn’t sad that they didn’t text me. I was sad because I realized how far away I am from what I wanted. 

I’ve always been vocal about not being ready for a relationship. I thought I would get some sort of warning before that changed, but I guess not. That feeling on Valentine’s Day was an eye opener. I was like well I’ll be damned. I want a boyfriend all of a sudden...WTF!! The shit just seemed to come outta nowhere. It was that sad ass day that I looked deeply into the “relationships” I had with my guys and the possibility of any of them being able to give me what I wanted. I decided that the answer was no and everybody got deleted and blocked. 

But wanting a meaningful relationship wasn't the big thing here. Understanding this about myself and finally making a clear decision about something is what the big deal is. I went down the rabbit hole of negative thoughts about my life and I could see clarity. 

I cannot recall a time that I was so sure about something regarding my future. All of a sudden I had clear goals. I was looking at things with a more realistic lens. If I want more of the same, then I can keep doing what I’ve always done. But if I want something different, I have to do different shit. You wanna know something I’ve never done? I’ve never set goals with deadlines. I’ve never written plans for goals. I had dreams. It was the strangest feeling. Usually anger motivates me, but feeling pitiful did it this time. 

The mistakes that I've made in the past with goals includes focusing on too many things, looking at the big goal and getting discouraged, not setting deadlines, and simply not putting in the work.

I wanted this time to be different. I'm 28 now! I'm literally different. Everything in me is a year older...I tried to be deep but that's not deep LOL 

​Anyway, I have a plan for my goals...

Check out my first goal and my plan for accomplishing that goal here!

​