Revisiting Dating Apps, Cont'd

Hey, I'm back. I didn’t want to make the post annoyingly long, so I split the content into different parts. If you haven't read the first part of this, you can find it here. 

There are more stories, more matches, the pros and cons of each dating app, anxiety, and my past relationships that will help make the documentation of this journey more complete. 

Let’s jump right in with THE CRAZIEST THING that has happened to me with the dating apps in my entire history on those things. 

I matched with a guy named Mike, yes, he gets exposed because...well, you’ll find out. Anyway, we’re chatting and at this point, I was confused on what I wanted. I was just going with the flow. We matched on BLK. We spoke for a day and then he said hey what’s your number? I gave it to him and we had pretty decent conversation until he asked me how tall I was. I was just like hmmm that’s weird. He said you look short. I said I am. I’m 5’2”. He asked me about the tallest man I’ve ever dated. I gave him the tallest guy I’ve been with which was 6’. He told me he was 6’5” and that he thought we could have fun with that...Umm what does that even mean? Then he sends me a video...of him...jacking off. And he was holding himself in the strangest way. His hand was upside down and twisted. It was, by far, the creepiest video I’ve ever seen and I grew up when The Ring came out...He had this sadistic giggle after he came. Oh, yes, I did watch the video. Does that make me a weirdo? I was just curious. If it makes any of you feel better, I wish I hadn’t seen it. 

I’m not sure what’s wrong with him, but that was just a really strange thing to do. While that was strange and creepy, guys were weird for other reasons, too. 

I really wonder about mens' thought process when they sign up for these things. There were a few guys I matched with who didn’t seem to be trying to get to know me as much as they were trying to interview me for a job. It’s such an inauthentic way to get to know someone and decide compatibility. It was question after question after question and I didn’t feel like it was about me at all. It was to fill a pre-defined position. It makes me wonder if guys are aware of how they come off. Looking back, maybe I should’ve told them. 

Let’s get into the pros and cons of each app:
Match: 

• Pros:
  • you have to pay to communicate, 
  • when you’re talking to someone who paid for it, it gives you a sense of security. Like this person is invested in their efforts to find whatever type of relationship they want. 
  • I didn’t encounter as much trash as I did on other apps. 
• Cons:
  • You have to pay to communicate- everyone makes a profile and says “I can’t get messages so hit me up [insert social media handle here]

Bumble: 

• Pros
  • Women have to initiate the conversation after you match
• Cons:
  • It is very hard to find black people on there.
  • Having to reach out first It made me feel a little thirsty at times. 

I have to hand it to dudes, being “rejected” that much is a little tough. Gotta have thick skin lol

BLK: 

• Pros: 
  • Lots of black men
  • I found someone on there that I was attracted to and I’m not usually attracted to people until after we...you know. I’m a flawed individual…
• Cons: Lmao this one is hard to describe...It’s oversaturated with trash ass...dudes. 

Hinge (I like the setup of this one the most): 

• Pros:
  • Quirky! It allows you to show off more than the normal things. It allows you to feature things like “I go crazy for…”, “My love language is…”, and “I’ll fall for you if…” just to list a few. 
  • Hinge was created by a woman
  • It was designed to be deleted
• Cons: The biggest downfall is that people don’t know about it. There weren’t many people on it and I kept cycling through the same people. 

The two matches that made it to the final round were from BLK and Bumble. So now we’re totally off the apps and we’re talking to each other daily. That’s the extent of what I know how to do in this arena. I’ve never dated anyone. I’ve never been this heavily pursued by someone I was mutually interested in. 

This is where past situations begin to play a role. As I’ve shared before, I was in a situationship for YEARS and that’s not what I want. I created a bond with someone. I don’t regret that bond at all. Somewhere down the line, I began to think we were headed somewhere that we weren’t. He told me he didn’t want to be in a relationship, but it didn’t feel that way to me. It created a distrust in my decision making and in other people’s feelings for me. For a little while, this made me wonder if maybe I jumped into all of this too quickly. I didn’t see these issues arising as I was trying to move on with my life and seek what I know I want. 

Anxiety is definitely at play here, as well. We’re in a pandemic. A pandemic that doesn’t discriminate but has been known to attack those of us with chronic illnesses a little harder. I’m not sure why I didn’t see this coming but these guys want to see me. They want to go on dates, have sex, lay up and watch Chicago PD LOL and my scary ass is like no!!!! But I know that this answer won’t be acceptable for too much longer. I’m lost trying to decipher between my anxiety disorder or normal situational anxiety in a pandemic. Am I being overly cautious or blocking my blessings? This is where that distrust of my decision making comes back around. SEND HELP!!!

LOL I’m a whole mess, but we all fuck with me so I'm not as bad as I think😜. 

So how about a little tea about the guys? I’m gonna give them fake names. Let’s talk about Dro first...He is a fine ass educated simple dude that sees me. People look at me and see innocence. Every time I say a bad word or get mad it’s a big deal because I “don’t look like the type”. Ummm what? It’s a set up. I can’t compete with the shit you made up in your head about me and you don’t seem that open to finding out who I really am. Am I good person? Yes. Am I sweetheart? Yes. But I'm also the hot-headed teacher with the potty mouth. Dro sees that. I like that! That’s me!!! I’m not saying we’re headed for marriage, I’m just saying I’m not starting out with the cards stacked against me.

Now let’s talk about Nathan. Nathan is obsessed with my beauty. He’s kind of corny, but in a tolerable way. I haven’t spoken to him as much, which is why I feel more inclined to take him up on his date offer. We’re not friends on social media and we don’t talk too much, so we would have a lot to talk about on a date. Idk though...Dro makes my p-- nope. We’re not going to go there. 

Kudos to you if you recognized the character names from Insecure!

So again, where did I land? I saw this tweet that said “anxiety keeps you alive but stops you from living”. Girly has to live. I have discussed plans of an actual date with Nathan. I think I want to see Dro first, though. That might be the hormones talking LOL I’m seeing someone this weekend, I just don’t know who right now. Dro doesn’t stay home enough for what I’m trying to do though…

Enough about them. I've enjoyed my experience on dating apps this go round. I'm not sure what the future holds, but I'm having a nice time letting everything unfold. 

Quick and very random piece of advice for guys on dating apps--fill out the whole profile if you're serious. Your picture isn’t enough.

This experience has left me with questions…

1.What are dating apps like for men?
2.Any additional advice for people who want to use dating apps?
3.Who has a success story to share?
4.Is there still a stigma around online dating?
5.Also, if anyone has any covid-friendly date ideas...drop em👇🏾!


Thanks for reading!! Love you all 💖