|
Friendships in the panny have been interesting…My friends had to endure A LOT. My friendships were tested and ultimately strengthened. Yall know that a year ago my mental health was on trash. Everything changed so quickly and so drastically. I was never the friend to call everyday. I was very much a “me time” person. I would check in and take calls, but rarely did I make them. I’m flawed. When the panny made its way here and started directly impacting my life, my mind/body went nuts and all of a sudden I was this needy person. There were two friends that I would alternate between calling, initially. Shortly, these calls became group facetimes. Both women are friends I’ve had since high school, but their friendship precedes that time. Anyway, I became so dependent on these two. I couldn’t handle being alone with my thoughts. I was like oh you gotta go...NOPE! Oh your phone died, you got ten minutes to get a good charge... This inability to be alone was problematic af. I needed people, but I was scared to talk to them. Like how? At some point, certain topics became totally off limits. I was so easily triggered that I would have to turn the phone down on its lowest volume or avoid phone calls altogether. I quickly learned that facetime is loud as hell no matter how low the volume is *eyeroll* Apple gotta do something about that. Do Not Disturb became a form of protection from the unknown. My friends had to censor themselves or walk on eggshells to avoid further triggering me. I checked out of work conversations that I couldn’t handle, which left me unable to fight for myself and my kids the way I would’ve liked, initially. Once I got into my new routine of avoidance, the codependency set in. I had some friends and coworkers who were as scared as I was of covid and did what some would call “extreme measures” to stay safe. And I had other friends and coworkers that didn’t take my same precautions. I would cringe when I heard certain things. I’m like why are my people like this?! My people meaning anyone I have a relationship with. With these new issues, came new things to avoid. I would go back to Do Not Disturb. I would avoid checking on these friends and participating in conversations with my coworkers. I also muted or removed them from my social media. Some of yall were OUT THERE and I was just like are we not in a panny? Is it just me? Am I the only one? I was judging the hell out of folks. Sorry. All this avoidance, birthed so much guilt. I felt an extreme amount of guilt because there were friends I wasn’t reaching out to at all. I felt guilty for all the times I couldn’t show up for people out of fear that their problems would trigger mine. Especially when those people were showing up so much for me. With all that being said, there were also amazing things that have taken place in the last year. We really did our best to enjoy such a crazy thing. We hosted virtual game nights and birthday parties, Netflix watch party, movies, wine, and popcorn on facetime, working together, meditation, and so much more. I actually miss those times! Check out some of the moments/memorable things we were able to capture:
1 Comment
|