Life After Covid-Anxiety

Heeeeyyyy! This is my first post in…it doesn’t matter lol don’t go look either! I have a lot of things to share. 30 year old Ashley has already had some interesting experiences. She also has some stories to share from 29 year old Ashley. Some good and some bad. Let’s get started!

As you may remember, Covid had me fucked up. Panic attacks, unhealthy weight loss, daily panic attacks…I cocooned myself in my home. I was wiping down groceries, only doing pick up orders, and the only store I felt safe going into was the CVS up the street from my old place lol. I didn’t visit friends. I only really saw Dro, but not often. More on that later. I was terrified! Thankfully, things changed. I started my anxiety medicine and I had to go back to work. I don’t have many good things to say about school these last two years, but I will say that had it not been for the risks I felt forced to take there, I would probably still be in my covid safety bubble. This is not to say that I support how things were handled because I DO NOT, but that’s a story for another uncontracted time. 

Anyway, back in March, they gave us a 2 day notice that they were lifting the mask mandate and it shocked me. I was annoyed at how that went down, but I also felt…FREE! I only went to work and home until March. I shared with you all the few times I ventured out, but mostly, I did nothing. I felt like if the kids weren’t going to wear masks, there was no longer protection at school. If I’m going to take this risk at work, then I might as well go live my life! Only…it had been two years so I didn’t know what living my life really meant anymore. 

Let me tell yall…my wardrobe was two years old…Things didn’t fit anymore and I had been throwing things away without going shopping. I wasn’t going anywhere but work and I’m not one of those people who needs to look like a beauty queen at school…I had an event to go to and couldn’t find anything to wear. That happened to me twice and I was like okay let me get a few things LOL

Aside from clothes, the biggest surprise was my experience at my birthday party. It wasn’t really a party, just getting together with friends. Anyway, it had been a while since I’d seen most of them and then there were different friendship dynamics at play. I want to preface this by saying, I enjoyed myself! I just learned that life went on while I was frozen in covid anxiety. My friends grew and their friendships with each other grew.We didn’t grow apart, we just grew separately and I didn’t see that coming.  I am still struggling to figure out how to navigate my in-person relationships post-covid anxiety. People have gotten used to me not wanting to do anything so I’m going to have to be intentional about letting my people know that I’m ready to come back. Truth be told, I have gotten used to being a loner. I will go do things alone that people normally do with friends and it is an afterthought to call and see if someone wants to come with me. I have to give myself grace, I understand that, but I also have to continue to push myself to get back out there. 

I still have covid on the brain, but I’m still doing most of the things I want!