"One Day I'll Tell My Story"

So a few months ago, I posted this song on my IG story with a caption that said something like “one day I’ll tell my story.” Today is that day!

I feel like I told this story before, but I wasn’t gonna go searching through my 10 years of blogging to find it lol 

Anyway, I was visiting with my dad one summer when I met this guy. My older stepsister and I would go visit some of her friends down the street and these friends were mostly older guys. Her age, but I am 3 or 4 years younger than her. I remember sitting on his porch on a porch swing. It was me on the end, someone in the middle, and him on the other end. I was just there. Not looking for anyone, not trying to get involved in anything, just there because that’s where she wanted to be. He kept reaching behind the person, poking me and smiling. I’m a younger girl feeling like this older guy is flirting with me. I couldn’t be sure though, but I was excited.

There was a lot of this “secret” touching happening during this time. He just liked having his hands on me. Trying to hold my hand, touching my shoulder, lingering hugs…Nobody ever paid us any attention. Summer ended and there was no more secret touching. But do you know what there was? A Myspace friend request. This was the catalyst for fast tracking our relationship. We talked on Myspace all the time. Always innocent, how was school, how is your family doing…stuff like that. 

Here’s where being sneaky came into play. My stepsister and I continued to go visit friends when we were together, but we started going different places. I still wanted to visit with him and she was going somewhere else and then we would link back up before going home. Now, I wasn’t at my dad’s house a lot, so we’re talking like a few times in the summer and very sporadically during the school year. This relationship was very slow, yet methodical, in it’s creation. Myspace was keeping us in daily communication and strengthening the connection. There was always this build up of emotions and hormones making each time we saw each other so passionate and so sweet. He was very kind to me, always.  

When I got to high school, it got easier and trickier to see him. Easier because he could drive to come get me, but trickier because we had limited hours. I wasn’t seeing my dad at all in high school. We would hang out a little at his house and that’s when I started noticing the baby powder all over the house. I also started noticing all the money sitting out. It was thrilling and terrifying at the same time. 

He and I never had sex. Yall know I didn’t have sex until after college. I shared that story and you can find part 1 here and part 2 here. We would kiss and makeout and he would try to have sex with me sometimes. It never felt right to have sex with him. It felt dangerous and like something I would regret. He honored my no and waited a few weeks before he’d try again. We did other things, but no penetration. 

It’s important to note that we were never in an official relationship. Sophomore year, I found out about his girlfriend…and baby. He told me that was his girlfriend, but he liked spending time with me. I had a lot going on in high school at this time, so I was like ok whatever. I didn’t process it at the time. I just started moving differently with him. We saw each other a little less during this time, because I started realizing that my feelings were hurt. We had moved on to Facebook by then and I was ignoring his messages. Talking to him didn’t feel the way it used to. 

I’m not sure how, but of course he made his way back in. At this point, we were meeting up at the Meijer by my house and he would take me to the library. It was the sweetest thing to my dorky, book loving, 17 year old heart. He started becoming more honest and letting me know that there were more kids. They were up to 3 now. She was popping em out back to back. In my mind, this was my justification for honoring my decision to not have sex with him. If you have sex with this man, you get pregnant. Was it enough for me to quit talking to him? No. Yall, he was giving me so much money. That was the other part of our dynamic. I feel like he gave me so much, and I didn’t have to give him much to get it. If I’m being honest, my involvement with him felt surreal. It wasn’t real life. The other thing about it is, I really felt like he cared about me. He wasn’t getting much from me to justify keeping me around. We messed around a little bit, but I’m sure he could find other girls who would put out, who had a car, who lived on his side of town…but he kept me around and I hate to admit it, but it made me feel special. {insert daddy issues here}.

So that was the long way to get to the actual story of my Ring Da Bell moment. But you needed the back story! 

So by the time I got to senior year, I was wising up about this guy and deciding that this wasn’t a good look for me. I was pulling away from him and letting him know that this isn’t what I thought my relationship should look like. He was telling me that him and his girlfriend were breaking up because he wasn’t happy with her. If he was happy with her, he wouldn’t feel so drawn to me…all this stupid shit that sounds good to an 18 year old. I was so full of hope! He had like a whole plan for what our life would look like. He even mentioned a house with a white picket fence. I’ve always been a reader of romance and that’s straight out of a romance book from the 2000’s. I was on cloud nine until I was standing in the bathroom at my mom’s place looking at a facebook post of a baby announcement. Baby #4 was on the way and he didn’t tell me anything about it and actually insinuated that they weren’t even together like that anymore. I was so heartbroken, but determined to never let him get me to that place again. The lyrics to the song were playing out in real life and every time I hear that song, I think about that moment. It’s crazy!!! 

We took a bit of a break…like years. I deleted him off social media and never gave him my new number. We talked briefly after college, where he took me on my first date–to applebees lol for me, it could never be what I once thought it was. Even though I went on the date with him, I never saw myself taking him seriously again. Every once in a while he’ll reach out to me and tell me he’s proud of me. It’s been years since we last communicated and I don’t foresee us speaking again. 

El Fin!

So I hope you enjoyed the story of a foolish, foolish girl lol

​