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I Confess...Pt 2

2/13/2024

Ok we’re back for part two!

These are the truths that are a bit harder to share, but fuck it, we’re here! Let’s do it ;)

Here’s the next question: What’s the hardest thing about being in a relationship?
Here are my confessions:

I don’t like the person I am when I like someone. I’m so tough and assertive in every other aspect of my life, but a man uuuugh. It takes me a minute to be that person with them. I start second guessing myself and what I said. I feel like I become a slightly different and GROSS version of myself. I tend to balance out once I get comfortable, but I hate that beginning part.
I got ghosted by the same guy twice. Brendon got me again, yall. It wasn’t so abrupt the second time around. He was saying strange things and then his responses would take longer to come. We were together from June-October.

What’s the hardest thing about being in a relationship?
Your Answers:

Coming to terms with accepting all parts of someone and how they treat me
Communication
Compromising
Trusting. Doing things out of love. Always feared my love won’t be reciprocated
Having to trust that you have the same vision for the relationship as the other person
Seeing your imperfections
Trust me
Keeping someone’s interest
Missing all the other guys who like me
Not always having shared understanding about things
Loving to be around one another, but making sure we both have adequate “me time”
Being honest
Maybe communicating how I’m feeling because I’m not used to a woman actually caring about me
Honestly, nothing. If you made it to that point then you should know what to do to keep it, right?
Time management

These answers make me think that maybe I’m not ready for a relationship. What I see in the responses is that gross v word. Vulnerability. It’s so risky. We all know that my relationship was a fluke so I’m not sure what to say on this. But shoutout to missing the other guys lol most of my single life, I’ve kept multiple guys around because I get bored otherwise. I’m trying to move different this year, tho. I too fear my love not being reciprocated. It’s all just so scary and uncertain and a huge emotional risk.

My biggest annoyance with trying to build a relationship is people not being honest and taking communication and a need for clarity as pressure and shutting down as a result. Everybody says that communication is important, but the truth of the matter is, people are bad at it or don’t recognize it for what it is.

Ok last question: How do you feel about Valentine’s Day?
Here are my confessions:

I got my hopes up about Valentine’s Day twice in the past and was served such a disappointment that I’m always a little hesitant about it. Like yall my “ex” never did anything for Valentine’s Day and I just didn’t think that I would end up in that situation lol
One of those times I got my hopes up was this year. I had a little crush on someone and he seemed to return my sentiments. I felt like the timing of everything was right, but my valentine is the bear from that snapchat filter lol I’m not giving up on him yet, tho. Life be life-ing.

How do you feel about Valentine’s Day?
Your Answers:

With the history of it, it doesn’t make sense the way we celebrate it. It’s great if you have that special somebody
Buy me something the day after. It’s half off
Never really celebrated it, so it’s another day. I’d love the chance to have a lil boo to consider doing something cheesy
Mmmm I’m glad it’s during the week. But I love Galentine’s celebrations
I love that even love gets a day 😍
Love it!
I feel indifferent towards it
Another day for America to get money
Meh. Was always the worst day for me in past relationships. In my present one, I’m excited
Turn up! I’m planning two dates and a girl’s night
I want to reclaim it. I have bad memories associated with it. I hope to feel the love one year.
I feel no way about it.
I don’t feel a way about it, just make sure the guys get some appreciation along with it
Everyday should be Valentine’s Day for the one you love and care about

Even love gets a day! It’s one of those days that’s not for everybody, it’s absolutely a money making gimmick, most want to experience a good one, and some of us with multiple people!
truly my goal for Valentine’s Day next year is to get slutted out after a nice date. My twitter friends already know lol

Now here are some spicy confessions:
Before I get to the spicy confessions, I want to make something clear–I am not looking for someone to tell me I’m sexy, offer me a good sex life, or anything like that. Please don’t inbox me any of that shit. Thanks.

I miss the sex life I had in 2022
I still haven’t had sex in 2024 and I cannot tell you when I might
Having birthday sex is on my bucket list–but it might get deleted for this year because I’m in a weird space right now.
This ankle thing is so unsexy that I haven’t actively pursued sex like I normally would. And I’m worried that in the heat of the moment, we might forget about it and I’ll get hurt. Under the right circumstances, I would take the risk lol
I love my body the most when I get out of the shower. I sit on my bed naked and just admire it for way too long. The feel of it, the look of it, the smell of it…I’m a little obsessed with fresh out of the shower Ashley.
I’m afraid my feelings about sex will make it very difficult to find a good, healthy relationship.
I made a sex playlist with a guy and we used it. It was a transformative experience. It’s like the sex was more intimate because we made the playlist for that occasion. (did I already tell yall this?) I be having ideas about blogging things and sometimes I can’t remember what I said and what I didn’t say…

What’s up next?
Turning 32
Series of sexy short stories
January’s Vision Board (i know i’m late)
Shame and my relationship with it
Brendon…Again
Some other shit will come up, I’m sure lol

Yay! Happy reading 🥰

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I Confess...Pt 1

2/5/2024

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For this post, I asked questions on instagram. My goal was to get opinions of others so that this wasn’t all about me. I feel that sometimes it can be difficult to express feelings and desires around sex, love, and romance. As open as I’ve been on here, it’s even hard for me to express some of those things because I find it all to be icky. Not the sex, but the feelings…yeah gross. I do have 14 new-ish confessions that I based around the questions that I asked on instagram. If you want to participate in the future, follow me on IG @L0vely_ash :) see you there, fraaaans. There are also some spicier confessions at the end of part 2!!

Ok so we’ll start with the first question: What’s the hardest thing about being single?

Here are my confessions:

I considered celibacy this year. Like maybe I need to be intentional about not having sex and see where that gets me. I ultimately decided against it, but it was a thought.
I’ve always wanted a New Year’s kiss and due to my ankle injury, I was in the bed at midnight on 1/1/24.
Not having consistent sex is very difficult for me. Sometimes, that feels like the suckiest thing about being single.
I wonder if I was destined to be a 3rd in a couple.

Your Answers:

Not having a consistent person
I yearn for companionship and sex
Paying for my own food sometimes
Aloneness
For me, I think just not having someone to pump my gas
The poor decision making that sometimes comes with loneliness
Not having on call penis lol
Being horny
Spending too much money on myself. I need to share the burden
Being single for so long can make you picky and stuck in your ways
Missing having someone to do stuff with
Social media has ruined women—especially black women. Don’t take this the wrong way. Good black men already are second fiddle behind thugs, rich [dudes] and pro athletes. Social media makes women think they have more options than they really have. If you post a sexy pic [dudes] will flood your inbox. There is nothing I can post to get an equivalent response. Women didn’t notice me until I got [a certain job]. And even then they wanted to date or fuck me for clout. Not because they like me. So you end up being the good guy, meanwhile the [dude] that’s fucking her doesn’t have to take her out, provide, be a good person, nothing.

Ummm wow! So sex is not just my issue with being single!!! Let’s talk about poor decision making for a minute…because my vagina be sending snaps to people and I wake up and be like why would you say that to him?

I must be messing with the wrong guys because pumping your gas? Where can I get that?

Ok that last one…whew! It’s loaded. I will just say that this doesn’t reflect my experiences with men or my relationship with social media.

Let’s keep it moving! Question number 2: What’s the hardest thing about dating?

Here are my confessions:

I feel like we all want similar things, but we all have our reasons for being so skeptical about romance and love. (are romance and love the same thing?)
Having low expectations in love and romance is part of why I’ve received so little in love and romance.
My dating life and dealings with men have helped me get to a place that I’d never thought I’d be. That place is content alone. I feel like for so much of my life, I’ve always secretly yearned for romantic love, but when I deal with a man, it erases that desire a little bit. Like it doesn’t feel like it’s worth the headache of looking for it, if that makes sense. I want it, but I’m not sure I want it bad enough to keep going through this shit with men. I can’t decide if I’m ok with that or if that’s kinda sad.
I matched with this guy and we facetimed only once. He told me he sees his kids every other weekend and that’s being an active dad. He’s off by 5 everyday and just smokes and plays video-games with his brother…I told him I didn’t think we were a good match (that’s some loser shit). At this point, I had like 8 matches and just deleted the apps because I was so disgusted.
I hate the getting to know you phase of dating. It’s such a game and I don’t have time for that. Gotta be careful…can’t be too interested, can’t be too distant. It’s a balancing act and I just don’t like to play around like that.
Hearing about other people’s dating woes makes me feel hopeless. Like ok bitch let’s just quit now because wtf

Your Answers:

Keeping a person’s attention
People giving up too easily, they’re serial daters who go to the next thing when one thing isn’t “right”, little effort
Going on blind dates/dates from dating apps
Sharing time. As much as that’s what I crave, it’s so hard. And getting to know people. The process can either be super fun or so slow
Men
Getting past the netflix and chill stage
Finding someone that shares the same morals
I wouldn’t necessarily say “hard” but just finding time
Learning to choose yourself sooner
Maybe meeting new people I think I’d have a great conversation with and not pursuing
Finding someone you actually like when most are the same (personality, attitude, looks)

I HATE THE SLOW PROCESS OF GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE OMG!!!!! I’m so glad someone can relate. It’s hard to decide when to introduce sex. I don’t want to cheapen our connection with my sexual desires…

People do give up easily. I’m definitely guilty of that myself. I’m not ashamed to circle back though. I’ve done that a time or two.

I know how difficult it can be to link with my friends who I love dearly, so imagine trying to make time for someone you’re not sure is worth it yet?

MEN!!!!!! LMAO!!! Men! Girl, yes! I’m not trying to shit on men, but yall definitely complicate shit unnecessarily.

This has been fun so far!! We still have two questions left and 4 more confessions about relationships and Valentine’s Day! Yall had a lot to say about those and I can’t wait to share part 2. Stay tuned!

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