I Confess...Pt 2

Ok we’re back for part two! 

These are the truths that are a bit harder to share, but fuck it, we’re here! Let’s do it ;)

Here’s the next question: What’s the hardest thing about being in a relationship?
Here are my confessions:

1. I don’t like the person I am when I like someone. I’m so tough and assertive in every other aspect of my life, but a man uuuugh. It takes me a minute to be that person with them. I start second guessing myself and what I said. I feel like I become a slightly different and GROSS version of myself. I tend to balance out once I get comfortable, but I hate that beginning part. 
   
2. I got ghosted by the same guy twice. Brendon got me again, yall. It wasn’t so abrupt the second time around. He was saying strange things and then his responses would take longer to come. We were together from June-October. 
   
   
   

What’s the hardest thing about being in a relationship? 
Your Answers:

• Coming to terms with accepting all parts of someone and how they treat me
  
• Communication
  
• Compromising
  
• Trusting. Doing things out of love. Always feared my love won’t be reciprocated
  
• Having to trust that you have the same vision for the relationship as the other person
  
• Seeing your imperfections
  
• Trust me
  
• Keeping someone’s interest
  
• Missing all the other guys who like me
  
• Not always having shared understanding about things
  
• Loving to be around one another, but making sure we both have adequate “me time”
  
• Being honest
  
• Maybe communicating how I’m feeling because I’m not used to a woman actually caring about me
  
• Honestly, nothing. If you made it to that point then you should know what to do to keep it, right?
  
• Time management
  

These answers make me think that maybe I’m not ready for a relationship. What I see in the responses is that gross v word. Vulnerability. It’s so risky. We all know that my relationship was a fluke so I’m not sure what to say on this. But shoutout to missing the other guys lol most of my single life, I’ve kept multiple guys around because I get bored otherwise. I’m trying to move different this year, tho. I too fear my love not being reciprocated. It’s all just so scary and uncertain and a huge emotional risk. 

My biggest annoyance with trying to build a relationship is people not being honest and taking communication and a need for clarity as pressure and shutting down as a result. Everybody says that communication is important, but the truth of the matter is, people are bad at it or don’t recognize it for what it is. 

Ok last question: How do you feel about Valentine’s Day?
Here are my confessions:

1. I got my hopes up about Valentine’s Day twice in the past and was served such a disappointment that I’m always a little hesitant about it. Like yall my “ex” never did anything for Valentine’s Day and I just didn’t think that I would end up in that situation lol 
   
2. One of those times I got my hopes up was this year. I had a little crush on someone and he seemed to return my sentiments. I felt like the timing of everything was right, but my valentine is the bear from that snapchat filter lol I’m not giving up on him yet, tho. Life be life-ing. 
   

How do you feel about Valentine’s Day?
Your Answers:

• With the history of it, it doesn’t make sense the way we celebrate it. It’s great if you have that special somebody
  
• Buy me something the day after. It’s half off
  
• Never really celebrated it, so it’s another day. I’d love the chance to have a lil boo to consider doing something cheesy
  
• Mmmm I’m glad it’s during the week. But I love Galentine’s celebrations
  
• I love that even love gets a day 😍
  
• Love it!
  
• I feel indifferent towards it
  
• Another day for America to get money
  
• Meh. Was always the worst day for me in past relationships. In my present one, I’m excited
  
• Turn up! I’m planning two dates and a girl’s night
  
• I want to reclaim it. I have bad memories associated with it. I hope to feel the love one year. 
  
• I feel no way about it. 
  
• I don’t feel a way about it, just make sure the guys get some appreciation along with it
  
• Everyday should be Valentine’s Day for the one you love and care about
  

Even love gets a day! It’s one of those days that’s not for everybody, it’s absolutely a money making gimmick, most want to experience a good one, and some of us with multiple people!
truly my goal for Valentine’s Day next year is to get slutted out after a nice date. My twitter friends already know lol 


Now here are some spicy confessions:
Before I get to the spicy confessions, I want to make something clear–I am not looking for someone to tell me I’m sexy, offer me a good sex life, or anything like that. Please don’t inbox me any of that shit. Thanks. 

• I miss the sex life I had in 2022
  
• I still haven’t had sex in 2024 and I cannot tell you when I might 
  
• Having birthday sex is on my bucket list–but it might get deleted for this year because I’m in a weird space right now.
  
• This ankle thing is so unsexy that I haven’t actively pursued sex like I normally would. And I’m worried that in the heat of the moment, we might forget about it and I’ll get hurt. Under the right circumstances, I would take the risk lol
  
• I love my body the most when I get out of the shower. I sit on my bed naked and just admire it for way too long. The feel of it, the look of it, the smell of it…I’m a little obsessed with fresh out of the shower Ashley.
  
• I’m afraid my feelings about sex will make it very difficult to find a good, healthy relationship. 
  
• I made a sex playlist with a guy and we used it. It was a transformative experience. It’s like the sex was more intimate because we made the playlist for that occasion. (did I already tell yall this?) I be having ideas about blogging things and sometimes I can’t remember what I said and what I didn’t say…
  

What’s up next?
Turning 32
Series of sexy short stories
January’s Vision Board (i know i’m late)
Shame and my relationship with it
Brendon…Again
Some other shit will come up, I’m sure lol


Yay! Happy reading 🥰