I Confess...Pt 1

For this post, I asked questions on instagram. My goal was to get opinions of others so that this wasn’t all about me. I feel that sometimes it can be difficult to express feelings and desires around sex, love, and romance. As open as I’ve been on here, it’s even hard for me to express some of those things because I find it all to be icky. Not the sex, but the feelings…yeah gross. I do have 14 new-ish confessions that I based around the questions that I asked on instagram. If you want to participate in the future, follow me on IG @L0vely_ash :) see you there, fraaaans. There are also some spicier confessions at the end of part 2!! 

Ok so we’ll start with the first question: What’s the hardest thing about being single?

Here are my confessions:

1. I considered celibacy this year. Like maybe I need to be intentional about not having sex and see where that gets me. I ultimately decided against it, but it was a thought. 
2. I’ve always wanted a New Year’s kiss and due to my ankle injury, I was in the bed at midnight on 1/1/24. 
3. Not having consistent sex is very difficult for me. Sometimes, that feels like the suckiest thing about being single. 
4. I wonder if I was destined to be a 3rd in a couple. 

Your Answers:

• Not having a consistent person
• I yearn for companionship and sex
• Paying for my own food sometimes
• Aloneness
• For me, I think just not having someone to pump my gas
• The poor decision making that sometimes comes with loneliness
• Not having on call penis lol
• Being horny
• Spending too much money on myself. I need to share the burden
• Being single for so long can make you picky and stuck in your ways 
• Missing having someone to do stuff with
• Social media has ruined women—especially black women. Don’t take this the wrong way. Good black men already are second fiddle behind thugs, rich [dudes] and pro athletes. Social media makes women think they have more options than they really have. If you post a sexy pic [dudes] will flood your inbox. There is nothing I can post to get an equivalent response. Women didn’t notice me until I got [a certain job]. And even then they wanted to date or fuck me for clout. Not because they like me. So you end up being the good guy, meanwhile the [dude] that’s fucking her doesn’t have to take her out, provide, be a good person, nothing.

Ummm wow! So sex is not just my issue with being single!!! Let’s talk about poor decision making for a minute…because my vagina be sending snaps to people and I wake up and be like why would you say that to him? 

I must be messing with the wrong guys because pumping your gas? Where can I get that?

Ok that last one…whew! It’s loaded. I will just say that this doesn’t reflect my experiences with men or my relationship with social media.

Let’s keep it moving! Question number 2: What’s the hardest thing about dating?

Here are my confessions:

1. I feel like we all want similar things, but we all have our reasons for being so skeptical about romance and love. (are romance and love the same thing?)
2. Having low expectations in love and romance is part of why I’ve received so little in love and romance. 
3. My dating life and dealings with men have helped me get to a place that I’d never thought I’d be. That place is content alone. I feel like for so much of my life, I’ve always secretly yearned for romantic love, but when I deal with a man, it erases that desire a little bit. Like it doesn’t feel like it’s worth the headache of looking for it, if that makes sense. I want it, but I’m not sure I want it bad enough to keep going through this shit with men. I can’t decide if I’m ok with that or if that’s kinda sad.
4. I matched with this guy and we facetimed only once. He told me he sees his kids every other weekend and that’s being an active dad. He’s off by 5 everyday and just smokes and plays video-games with his brother…I told him I didn’t think we were a good match (that’s some loser shit). At this point, I had like 8 matches and just deleted the apps because I was so disgusted. 
5. I hate the getting to know you phase of dating. It’s such a game and I don’t have time for that. Gotta be careful…can’t be too interested, can’t be too distant. It’s a balancing act and I just don’t like to play around like that. 
6. Hearing about other people’s dating woes makes me feel hopeless. Like ok bitch let’s just quit now because wtf

Your Answers:

• Keeping a person’s attention
• People giving up too easily, they’re serial daters who go to the next thing when one thing isn’t “right”, little effort
• Going on blind dates/dates from dating apps
• Sharing time. As much as that’s what I crave, it’s so hard. And getting to know people. The process can either be super fun or so slow
• Men
• Getting past the netflix and chill stage
• Finding someone that shares the same morals
• I wouldn’t necessarily say “hard” but just finding time
• Learning to choose yourself sooner
• Maybe meeting new people I think I’d have a great conversation with and not pursuing
• Finding someone you actually like when most are the same (personality, attitude, looks)

I HATE THE SLOW PROCESS OF GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE OMG!!!!! I’m so glad someone can relate. It’s hard to decide when to introduce sex. I don’t want to cheapen our connection with my sexual desires…

People do give up easily. I’m definitely guilty of that myself. I’m not ashamed to circle back though. I’ve done that a time or two. 

I know how difficult it can be to link with my friends who I love dearly, so imagine trying to make time for someone you’re not sure is worth it yet? 

MEN!!!!!! LMAO!!! Men! Girl, yes! I’m not trying to shit on men, but yall definitely complicate shit unnecessarily. 


This has been fun so far!! We still have two questions left and 4 more confessions about relationships and Valentine’s Day! Yall had a lot to say about those and I can’t wait to share part 2. Stay tuned! 

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