18 Years of Friendship- How Do We Do It?

Maintaining 18 years of friendship in a culture of choosing yourself is not easy. It is truly the reason why I believe commitment is an integral component of long-lasting friendships. At some point in the relationship, all parties involved have to make a decision to stick together. I’m not sure when that point was for us, maybe Te’Jal knows, but I just knew that we both chose each other. When I think about friendships I’ve had with people that didn’t work out, it was never truly a shock. I was not committed to those relationships. Now I know that they were very obviously seasonal or situational. Of course, I didn’t know that back then, but I just knew there was something off about those relationships that wouldn’t let them go past a certain point. 

Another integral component of long-lasting friendships is communication. Te’Jal and I had quite the journey with this, as she was always very expressive and I was not. I had some personal growth I needed to do in order to get my communication skills up. People think that communicating is as easy as just speaking about how you feel. It’s so much more than that. You have to have self awareness, believe that your needs are worth speaking up about, and understand that communication is not synonymous with confrontation. When I decided to start honoring my own needs, I did a complete 180 on Te’Jal. One day I was one way and the next day I was totally different. There was a bit of a learning curve for both of us. But we have gotten to a place where we both can say what we need to say when we need to say it. ​

That last piece brings me to compassion. Te’Jal and I make a lot of room for each other’s “stuff”. We grew up together, which means we have been and have known different versions of each other. We didn’t reach our growth points at the same time. At different points, someone was left adjusting to the newer version of the other. We have parental issues, childhood traumas, mental health struggles, physical health struggles, a kid, career crises, and so much more that we make room for in our friendship. Some days we can’t show up the way we did before and instead of being met with contention, we meet each other with compassion. ​

Te’Jal came up with a list of questions for us to answer in each other’s posts!
Favorite memory?:
The one that comes to mind for me is when we were in the bathroom on Wilmington arguing about Ashley’s life. I was so scared for her because we had just graduated from college and I felt she wasn’t making the best decisions for her life. I think looking back on it, I wouldn’t have been as harsh. My concern turned into bossiness forreal and I believe that there are ways to say things kindly. But Ashley handled it well and we just argued and were cool 5 minutes later lmao!
What’s something you wish everyone knew about me?:
I wish everyone knew how great of an auntie you are! Luke and Kennely are so lucky. 
Who in my life would you smack?:
All these boys. I should have a niece by now but ya’ll wana play all these dumb games with my BESTIE!!!! GET OUT THE WAY SO I CAN MEET MY BROTHER IN LAW!!!!!
Thank you.
Which spot was your favorite for us to hangout at?:
NSBE/The Box (but we never went there lol), and Firwood for me!
5 words to describe our friendship?:
Fun(ny), consistent, evolving, genuine, THEBESTFRIENDSHIPONTHEPLANET hehe

I'm not trying to tell anyone how to handle their friendships, just sharing what works in mine!

Thanks for reading!