I used to totally ignore this holiday. It’s no secret to anyone that has been reading my blog that my relationship with my dad was complicated. To give you the short version: he was there, he wasn’t there, it was everybody else’s fault, too many outside people had opinions, I am stubborn, no resolve, he died. 

Now let’s fast forward to 2025. I honor my dad for who he was on his birthday and on Father’s Day. Through therapy and conversations with family, I understand a little bit more of what my dad was going through. This doesn’t absolve him of any wrongdoings. He was still the parent in the situation and made decisions. 

My own therapy journey helped me forgive him. Not just talking through things with my therapist, but so many other parts of that. The access to therapy, the positive stigmas around therapy, and the acknowledgement that we’re all a little messed up is something that wasn’t true for him. I was born in 1992. Black people were not going to therapy in 1992. We were barely going in 2002. 

My dad needed support. He was a hurt child who happened to have a child, then another child, and then a few more, but this isn’t about that lol

I have made peace with the past, because it’s not like we get a redo. 

My dad is no longer here in the flesh, but I like to think that I can feel him with me sometimes. He knows that I have forgiven him and have moved on from the hurt. We are good! 

Happy Father’s Day to the Dads! 

Check out me and my guy: 

Another integral component of long-lasting friendships is communication. Te’Jal and I had quite the journey with this, as she was always very expressive and I was not. I had some personal growth I needed to do in order to get my communication skills up. People think that communicating is as easy as just speaking about how you feel. It’s so much more than that. You have to have self awareness, believe that your needs are worth speaking up about, and understand that communication is not synonymous with confrontation. When I decided to start honoring my own needs, I did a complete 180 on Te’Jal. One day I was one way and the next day I was totally different. There was a bit of a learning curve for both of us. But we have gotten to a place where we both can say what we need to say when we need to say it. ​

That last piece brings me to compassion. Te’Jal and I make a lot of room for each other’s “stuff”. We grew up together, which means we have been and have known different versions of each other. We didn’t reach our growth points at the same time. At different points, someone was left adjusting to the newer version of the other. We have parental issues, childhood traumas, mental health struggles, physical health struggles, a kid, career crises, and so much more that we make room for in our friendship. Some days we can’t show up the way we did before and instead of being met with contention, we meet each other with compassion. ​

I'm not trying to tell anyone how to handle their friendships, just sharing what works in mine!

Thanks for reading!