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I used to totally ignore this holiday. It’s no secret to anyone that has been reading my blog that my relationship with my dad was complicated. To give you the short version: he was there, he wasn’t there, it was everybody else’s fault, too many outside people had opinions, I am stubborn, no resolve, he died. Now let’s fast forward to 2025. I honor my dad for who he was on his birthday and on Father’s Day. Through therapy and conversations with family, I understand a little bit more of what my dad was going through. This doesn’t absolve him of any wrongdoings. He was still the parent in the situation and made decisions. My own therapy journey helped me forgive him. Not just talking through things with my therapist, but so many other parts of that. The access to therapy, the positive stigmas around therapy, and the acknowledgement that we’re all a little messed up is something that wasn’t true for him. I was born in 1992. Black people were not going to therapy in 1992. We were barely going in 2002. My dad needed support. He was a hurt child who happened to have a child, then another child, and then a few more, but this isn’t about that lol I have made peace with the past, because it’s not like we get a redo. My dad is no longer here in the flesh, but I like to think that I can feel him with me sometimes. He knows that I have forgiven him and have moved on from the hurt. We are good! Happy Father’s Day to the Dads! Check out me and my guy: 
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Maintaining 18 years of friendship in a culture of choosing yourself is not easy. It is truly the reason why I believe commitment is an integral component of long-lasting friendships. At some point in the relationship, all parties involved have to make a decision to stick together. I’m not sure when that point was for us, maybe Te’Jal knows, but I just knew that we both chose each other. When I think about friendships I’ve had with people that didn’t work out, it was never truly a shock. I was not committed to those relationships. Now I know that they were very obviously seasonal or situational. Of course, I didn’t know that back then, but I just knew there was something off about those relationships that wouldn’t let them go past a certain point.  Another integral component of long-lasting friendships is communication. Te’Jal and I had quite the journey with this, as she was always very expressive and I was not. I had some personal growth I needed to do in order to get my communication skills up. People think that communicating is as easy as just speaking about how you feel. It’s so much more than that. You have to have self awareness, believe that your needs are worth speaking up about, and understand that communication is not synonymous with confrontation. When I decided to start honoring my own needs, I did a complete 180 on Te’Jal. One day I was one way and the next day I was totally different. There was a bit of a learning curve for both of us. But we have gotten to a place where we both can say what we need to say when we need to say it.  That last piece brings me to compassion. Te’Jal and I make a lot of room for each other’s “stuff”. We grew up together, which means we have been and have known different versions of each other. We didn’t reach our growth points at the same time. At different points, someone was left adjusting to the newer version of the other. We have parental issues, childhood traumas, mental health struggles, physical health struggles, a kid, career crises, and so much more that we make room for in our friendship. Some days we can’t show up the way we did before and instead of being met with contention, we meet each other with compassion.  Te’Jal came up with a list of questions for us to answer in each other’s posts! Favorite memory?: The one that comes to mind for me is when we were in the bathroom on Wilmington arguing about Ashley’s life. I was so scared for her because we had just graduated from college and I felt she wasn’t making the best decisions for her life. I think looking back on it, I wouldn’t have been as harsh. My concern turned into bossiness forreal and I believe that there are ways to say things kindly. But Ashley handled it well and we just argued and were cool 5 minutes later lmao! What’s something you wish everyone knew about me?: I wish everyone knew how great of an auntie you are! Luke and Kennely are so lucky. Who in my life would you smack?: All these boys. I should have a niece by now but ya’ll wana play all these dumb games with my BESTIE!!!! GET OUT THE WAY SO I CAN MEET MY BROTHER IN LAW!!!!! Thank you. Which spot was your favorite for us to hangout at?: NSBE/The Box (but we never went there lol), and Firwood for me! 5 words to describe our friendship?: Fun(ny), consistent, evolving, genuine, THEBESTFRIENDSHIPONTHEPLANET hehe  I'm not trying to tell anyone how to handle their friendships, just sharing what works in mine!
Thanks for reading! For the last few years, I have been gifting myself things that bring me closer to being the woman I envision in my head. Each birthday I brought something different to my life. I won’t go into the details in this post. We’re going to focus on turning 32, which was last year. Part of being the woman I envision, involves having a really good scent. I want people to hug me or walk by me and think “Wow, she smells so good!” I’m not sure if I was vocalizing this or Siri was reading my thoughts, but I kept seeing ads for something called Scentbird. It is a monthly subscription that allows you to choose different perfumes to sample. You get a 30 day supply. I was like this actually sounds perfect! I had no idea how to go about selecting perfumes. I would smell them in the store and not be sure if it would be compatible with all of my other smelly things, like soaps, lotions, natural pheromones, whatever else smells over here lol and then it would be too expensive to take the risk. Like you want me to pay $100 and I’m not sure? No. I guess I saw the ad again at the right time and I went ahead and subscribed. Upon subscription, they have you take a little survey that helps to guide you in making your selections. I opted for the two bottle a month subscription and it runs me about $30 a month. Here is what you get: Now yours may or may not come with an Amazon package😅 It comes in this little gray package. Sometimes it's in my mailbox and sometimes it's not. Anyway, all the goodies are inside! The perfume comes in these gray tubes and they also give you these scent profile cards to test the perfume out on. I love it!
I have learned so much about what I actually want to smell like. Guys, I’ve decided that I like to smell like something sweet you wanna snack on after dinner 😜 I’m very serious about this lol I've also learned a lot about layering, mixing, and reapplying to help create a long lasting effect for scents that are a little on the lighter side. I kind of got out of the habit when a coworker was experiencing allergic reactions and I stopped wearing my perfume, as a courtesy. This post actually came to mind when I was organizing my perfume drawer in preparation to start wearing perfume regularly again. Before my little hiatus, I had received so many compliments on my scent and I’m like yaaaassss that’s what I wanted! Since I became so obsessed with Scentbird, I’ve gifted subscriptions to my sister and to my best friend. If you want to get into perfume but you don’t know where to begin, this is a great place to start! I think the one bottle subscription is like $16. There are upcharges for newer perfumes and fancier brands, but not always. I think I may have paid for an upcharge once in 14 months. Now, I will be honest in saying I’ve considered cancelling my subscription. Not because something went wrong, but because I felt like after a few months, I had enough scents to know what perfume I want to purchase. Then I just kept getting good ones and I was like wellllll I guess I can keep it a little longer lol I may have one full tube for each of the next 11 months…we don’t gotta talk about that tho!! As always, thanks for reading! Hope somebody out there finds this helpful! April 14…February 14…Same thing lol
Anyway, let’s get to Valentine’s Day. Just like my previous Valentine’s Day Posts, I asked yall some questions and got some answers. This year, I asked a few people to ask me questions…They totally delivered! For every question I asked, I answered a question that someone asked me. Let’s get into it! Questions: What makes a Valentine’s Day Date different from a regular date?
My Answer: I think my answer most aligns with the intentionality of using the day to focus on each other. For people dating or in a relationship, it’s a day you know someone is going to show you how they feel about you. Your Question: Do you like sexting? My Answer: Not really. I guarantee you 99% of the time I do it, I’m ovulating. I don’t want to talk about it. Pull up and then pull out. What is one of your Valentine’s Day expectations?
My Answer: Honestly, disappointment lol. Every time I think I’ll have plans, nothing happens. I think I’m starting to dread it. Awkward!! Your Question: Have you ever had a crush on someone you shouldn’t have? My Answer: Listen, I regret no crush. It was good until it wasn’t for all of them lol What is the point of Valentine’s Day?
My Answer: This is a hard one for me. The first thing that came to mind was a reminder to single people that you’re single. Like in case you didn’t know, this one’s not for you. On the flip side, I think it’s about celebrating romantic love. Your Question: Who had the biggest dick? My Answer: Spring Fling 2023 no question. Biggest doesn't mean best... Who plans it?
My Answer: For me, it has to be him. My kindness has been used for weakness or has been unappreciated by men in the past and for those reasons, the first Valentine’s Day has to be on him and we can see how things go from there. I know how I’ve shown up for men in the past and I also know how it felt for that not to be reciprocated. Sorry to the next man, but I can’t do anything for you until you do things for me first. Do you like Valentine’s Day?
My Answer: I would say yes. Even though I feel bitter about it sometimes, I enjoy it for others. Your Question: If you had to choose one thing from the men you’ve been involved with to have for the rest of your life, what would you choose? My answer: Physical affection. Who is your celebrity crush?
My Answer: I don’t think I have a current one. But 90’s Ginuwine…talk about a fine man OMG. They do not make men like they used to. I been on the dating apps…I seen them and gross. Your Question: What do you enjoy least about men? My answer: It’s a toss up between the lying and the inability to accept support. Bonus Question: What do you enjoy most about men? My Answer: Even if it’s just for the moments that we are together, they are very sweet to me. I don’t think I’ve ever been involved with a man that was unkind to me. Thanks for reading! |
